Ottawa Heroes

Micah and I have now moved to Hamilton. We left Ottawa last week Thursday. It all feels quite surreal, as it only feels like we're visiting. It will take some time to feel settled here.

I wrote the following on my computer as I was leaving Ottawa, but haven't got around to posting in until now.

Today I am leaving Ottawa. As I go, I want to thank a number of people who were crucial to making it through the past year:
Bertina Hogeterp, my cousin, who has been taking care of Micah when I have been working. She is a big part of who Micah is now.
Jonathan & Jen Patrick, my friends who lived downstairs from us and shared their lives with Micah and I, providing meals and companionship, easing my loneliness.
John & Sally Patrick who vacated their beautiful apartment in the Glebe in order that Micah and I could live in the same house as JP and Jen.
Eric & Brenda Brouwer, my brother and sister-in-law who had Micah and I over for dinner with their family every week.
Dan & Sheila Veenstra, friends from our church, who brought over dinner to my place every other week, and were great friends.
Rev. Jennifer Wickham and family, for opening their home to me, sharing meals, for friendship, support, and prayer.
Rev. David Crawley, rector at our church, who met with me regularly for coffee over the past year, providing a listening ear and good counsel.
Richard & Karen Hoshino who made sure that the nursery at church was staffed, so that I could attend church, confident that Micah was well-taken care of.

I will miss these people and all of my other friends in Ottawa.
Thank you for all your support over this last year.

Micah's Birthday

Today Micah turned two. He is happy, healthy, and a great kid all around. For this I am very thankful.



(I look at these photos of Micah and I with photos of Paula just beside and below us. What a happy looking family... except Paula is not and will not be in any of these pictures any more)

Rugby photos

Over the past few days, I've been going through old photographs and I came across these two of Paula playing rugby. She is not smiling in these pictures (as she usually is in most photos), but has a look of fierce determination. This determination of hers was not confined only to rugby, but existed for everything that she was passionate about.

Theodicy

At church on Sunday we sang Luther's classic hymn A Mighty Fortress is our God and it really struck me how death is described as a great evil, but yet ultimately is defeated through Christ's death and resurrection. The song is fittingly sombre, and very powerful. I was really moved to anger at death, at the evil of Paula's death. The good kind of anger. Then we sang Blessed be Your Name a contemporary worship song. The lyrics aren't really all that bad (I had a look at them again today), but it is sung in such a way-too-happy sort of way. "You give and take away/ My heart will choose to say/ Lord, blessed be Your name" I couldn't sing it, at least not like that, with everyone else so seemingly happy. Do they know what it means for the Lord to "take away?"

Here is what makes more sense to me, something written by Nicholas Wolterstorff that I recently shared with my friend Mendelt:
"The Bible speaks of God's over-coming death. Paul calls it the last great enemy to be overcome. God is appalled by death... Seeing God as the agent of death is one way of fitting together into a rational pattern God, ourselves, and death. There are other ways: ...God too is pained by death much even more than you and I are; but there's nothing much he can do about it. I cannot fit it all together by saying 'He did it' but neither can I do so by saying 'There was nothing he could do about it.' I cannot fit it together at all. I can only, with Job, endure. I do not know why God did not prevent Eric's [Paula's, Marisa's] death. To live without the answer is precarious. It is hard to keep one's footing... I have no explanation. I can do nothing else than endure in the face of this deepest and most painful of mysteries. I believe in God the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth and resurrecter of Jesus Christ. I also believe that my son's [wife's] life was cut off in its prime. I cannot fit these pieces together. I am at a loss... To the most agonizing question I have ever asked I do not know the answer. I do not know why God would watch him [her] die. I do not know why God would watch me wounded. I cannot even guess... I am not angry, but baffled and hurt. My wound is an unanswered question. The wounds of all humanity are an unanswered question."