In between lives

I feel that I am in limbo, stuck between two lives, the life with Paula that was and the life that will be that may be starting to show signs of taking shape (although it is a long way down the road yet). It is a pretty bleak place. It's hard to be happy about this in-between life. What I want is my old life with Paula back. Since I can't have that, well, then I want my new life. But I can't have that yet either. Loneliness... grief... patience... trust...

"In the valley of suffering, despair and bitterness are brewed. But there also character is made. The valley of suffering is the vale of soul-making"
(Nicholas Wolterstorff, Lament for a Son)

I hope this is true.

Vancouver

Micah and I have recently returned from a trip to Vancouver to visit Paula's parents and our friends that still live in the area. It was a good trip, but a hard trip for me to do on my own. It was strange to be with Paula's parents and with our friends without her. So much was missing.