At 6:35 pm on Wednesday May 16, 2007, Paula succumbed to her injuries sustained in an auto accident, and was taken to the Lord. On Tuesday May 15, Paula and her 10-month old son, Micah, were travelling to visit Paula's parents close to her home in Ottawa. Moments before arriving, her car was struck from behind by a truck. Miraculously, Micah survived the accident and has been released from the hospital. Paula sustained severe injury from the impact. She was rushed to hospital immediately. She died surrounded by her family. It is truly a miracle that Micah survived at all. For this, we are deeply grateful.
Paula truly was a special child of God. As a wife, a mother, a friend, she lived a vibrant, energetic life in service of her Saviour and Lord, Jesus Christ. Many of you have witnessed in her the radical, transformative power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and been touched by her compassionate, caring nature. We will all carry a Paula-sized hole in our hearts for the years to come.
This blog has been created to celebrate Paula's life and impact on those she loved. While condolences are appreciated, you are encouraged to share a memory of your experience of Paula. Micah needs to know his mother and Darren needs to remember his wife. Your stories will ensure that she will remain fresh and vibrant in their memories, just as she was in her life. Darren would also appreciate any photos that will keep those memories fresh. Please send these to darren.brouwer@gmail.com.
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Click here to read "Why this blog?" and most of the tributes to Paula.
114 comments:
I knew Paula almost as long as Darren did. I could tell a host of stories. Maybe I will, eventually. But one sticks out right now, given the circumstances. Two years ago (or was it three), my family was camping with Darren and Paula, along with several other friends. My children, along with those of the others, were getting "bored". Mums and dads jus wanted to sit and have coffee and talk. Immediately Paula sprung into action. She gathered all these 2, 3, and 4 year-olds around her and began to teach them various childrens' praise songs. My kids' favourite was, "My God is so Great!" I can still see Paula standing in front of 6 little boys and girls, belting out this song to/with them...and teaching them all the actions to boot! My kids still know that song -- and they still remember who taught it to them. What a wonderful woman; she will be so deeply missed.
Love Paul
I had the priveledge of meeting Paula as she came into Darren's life. She added a spark to his eyes, and an added lightness to his step. She was such a beautiful person. Each time we connected over the years, it was like picking up with an old friend despite living in very different places. She will alway hold a very special place in our hearts. She was such a special beautiful woman, and will be missed so very deeply by all who had the priveledge of having her touch thier life.
Love, Christina
I am so sorry. Words can't express it. I send my very best wishes to the extended family. I haven't seen Paula for many years but her memory has always been one of the strongest ones I hold from my time in Ottawa. I knew Paula through rugby and she was one of the best human beings I ever met.
Again, I am so sorry for your loss and the entire world's loss. Warmly Jill Murray
Corine and me came to know Darren and Paula through our friends, the Schats and the VandenBrinks. Like Paul, we, too, have fond memories of Paula singing and playing games with our son and the other children when camping. They hung on her every word and action. What we will also remember about Paula is her Christ-centered desire to make this world a better place (from fair-trade to environmentalism to numerous other social issues), and the passion with which she sought, in love, to discuss and debate such issues. We admired her intelligence, her infectious spirit and her love for Christ.
Love Stephen
"That the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have Me." John 17:23
This is the verse that was on my calendar the day that Paula left us to be with the Lord...
I met Paula on a bright fall day in 1994, and we quickly formed a dear friendship, that has lasted over time and distance. She was (and still is in my heart) a bountiful spirit, full of generosity, kindness, and love. One of my fondest memories is doing our "rounds" in the evenings at the dorms. She always made sure to connect with all of those she cared about, and no matter how brief the moment, we were all able to share that with her. That is a blessing that I will always be grateful for. In many ways we watched each other grow up, and helped one another through so many changes in our lives. I remember Darren's visit to Vancouver, during their first winter as a couple. He'd been gone just a few hours, and she called me, just beside herself, because she didn't know how she'd function with him on the other side of the country! That was the day when she knew he was the man she'd spend her life with. Graduation brought with it distance, a wedding!, new experiences, and new paths for us, but her wonderful emails always made us feel in touch, as though no time had been lost. We were finally able to reconnect on the telephone in the last year. We had three great conversations, about babies, houses, and mismatched socks, and I'll never forget that. I'm so heartbroken that she's left us at this young age, but I'm so grateful that she had such joy in her life, with Darren, Micah, and a strong spiritual connection. Those were the things she really wanted, and her dreams came true. Her bubbly persona, her genuine beauty, and her compassionate nature will be omnipresent in our memory, and I will do anything I can to help you and Micah keep her spirit alive in your hearts. I love you, Paula, and I will always keep you close. God Bless.
I grew up with Paula in Mackenzie. I've actually known her since I was 5 years old. It's been awhile since we've contacted one another and now I very much deeply regret that. I have hundreds of stories I could share of our times in school together. When we were in grade 8, Paula was in the science fair. She needed an *assistant* to help her with what she was doing (I honestly cannot remember exactly what it was?). The hour in which she was able to work on her project was during my French class. She knew how much I hated that French class! So everytime the class would start, Paula would knock on the door and ask for me to be excused. There were days that she didn't actually need me....but Mr. Gow the French teacher didn't know that! We would just spend the time talking and pretending we were working...yes she used to have a little bit of a mischevious side to her. I will never forget these times with her. Everyone liked Paula, I don't think you could ever find anyone who didn't. The world was such a better place with her in it. It doesn't seem fair that we all have to say goodbye to such a wonderful person. My heart and my thoughts are with everyone who knew her.
We got to know Paula and Darren (and Micah on a return visit) during their time in Southampton, England.
Paula,
Laughing, crying, huge-hearted
Paula.
Frizbee-throwing, rugby-loving
Paula.
Passionate about injustice,
Compassionate about children,
A lover of Jesus,
An adoring wife,
A brilliant mummy,
A loyal friend,
A wearer of chunky glasses,
Paula.
Beautiful, beautiful Paula.
Alice writes:
I have some great memories of Paula. When she and Darren stayed with us before returning to England we left our daughter Molly in their care for an evening. It is testemony to the kind of person she was that we were happy to do that as she was the only person other than my parents that we had ever left her with. Needless to say Molly cried from the moment we left until she cried herself to sleep. Poor Paula didn't have a great evening. I also think of Paula every time I open our cupboard. Her passion for doing all we can to bring justice to the world led to us starting a "homegroup fair trade co-operative", and we still have three bags of brown suger in our cupboard from the bulk buy. Probably time to throw those out...! I will always remember her for her energy, her passion, her tears, her laughter, playing carcasonne, ultimate frisbee, rugby, more tears, more laughter, more passion, her infectious enthusiasm for everything she was involved in. She has influenced my life for ever. If only I had told her. She has left an enormous hole.
Paula was strong in spirit and compassionate in heart, it showed! Her gifts were used to the full! Her faith was strong in the Lord, it showed!
May the Lord keep you and hold you up at this time, Darren, and your son Micah.
"Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; Then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the lord will be your rear guard." (ISA 55:8)
"Then you will call and the Lord will answer, you will cry for help and He will say: Here am I." (ISA 58:9)
Lynley.
Dear Micha,
I write this letter to you on the day I learn of your mother’s death. This is tremendously sad new for me and others who consider ourselves her close friends. I can’t even imagine how your dad is feeling right now or how he is coping. But he will cope and we will be right by his side through the darkness – just as we will be there to support you too. I know it will be a mere shadow of the love and support your mom would have given you but we will try our best to tell you about her and how much she meant to us and of course how much she loved you.
Your mom was a roommate of mine for a summer (a million years ago it feels like now) when we both played rugby for the same club here in Ottawa. I remember she was like my kid sister, always looking on the bright side of life and forever keen to engage in philosophical conversations about God, life and meaning. For a kid sister she taught me a lot. We became strong friends over that summer and that friendship grew and expanded as she married your dad, worked overseas and eventually came back to Ottawa to live.
I remember visiting her and your dad in England a few years ago during a grey November. As I arrived at the bus station, after a long trans-Atlantic flight, feeling tired and jetlagged, I saw your mom and Darren there waiting for me and I felt the warmth of home.
Micha you carry in you the very best of your mom. We can see her in your eyes. We will be there to help your dad through to the light and to hold your hand and tell you stories about how much your mom meant to us and how special she was to us and to everyone who met her.
With lots of love,
Mark
I feel so sad that I really don’t know what to write; but then I keep remembering things about Paula that make me smile…and sometimes even chuckle out loud…like the time she called me and asked me how to boil a potato. Or the time I taught her how to make chili…and I’m pretty sure she made every single week from there on in. There are so many moments…
Paula was such a dear friend to me, she was someone that I imagined growing old with and together we would watch our kids grow-up…actually we would talk about those sorts of things…kind of like school girls dreaming of the future with endless possibilities. That was what I loved about Paula; she had this glow to her, what seemed to be sort of a pure unbridled innocence.
Paula was always there for me…words cannot even express my gratitude for that. You know the person you have in your life that you call when something sad or exciting happens? She was my first call. She was always so caring, willing to listen and willing to give of her time. I can only hope that I was half the friend to her that she was to me…’cause Paula had some big shoes to fill!
Paula had a big heart and just seemed to chase the heart of God…and I can say with all honesty that I’ve ever met another person with such a big heart. Her heart often broke for those in need and for social injustice, and I loved that about her. …And let me just say, when Paula did something, or started something – she gave 110% of herself (and sometimes even more).
Paula was a great Mom too. Micah, she was so in love with you…there was a sparkle in her eye whenever she looked at you. Such a great Mom that she was going to take care of my children if something had happened to me – that, I think, is the biggest compliment that you can give someone…there is no one else that I would have chosen.
I don’t always let a lot of people in…but I let Paula in and I am a better person for it. Micah, your Mom was a great person and I am so sad that you will not have the honor to know her – but I hope and pray that you will know her and experience her through all of us as we keep her memory alive.
Paula, may you rejoice as you have gone to be with our Maker…and as sad as I feel right now I look forward to the day when I will see you again.
You have been so loved.
I met Paula Sept 1994. She was so full of energy, always striving to learn more, and to help others. She always had something on the go, but it was never too much. She was such a strong, compassionate woman. I will miss her forever. Darren and Micah, she'll be the angel watching over you!
I remember the first time I heard that Darren was dating a woman named Paula who played rugby! I had to meet this woman who was tough enough to play rugby but who was so admired by our kind hearted friend. Upon first meeting her, it all fit together. Her kind heart shone from her beautiful and constant smile and her loving hug could crush a football player.
Hers was a life far too short, but she exemplified a Christ like heart in living completely for others. She would spend get togethers schooling us on social justice issues and then call me the next morning to apologize if she thought she had not spent enough time asking about what was going on with me.
It was clear any time we saw you together and how she spoke of you when you were not around that she truly loved you Darren.
Micah, you are the fulfillment of one of your mom's greatest wishes, to be a mother. She talked about wanting you from very early in her marriage. Even though she was completely nauseated one New Year's Eve together, she could not hide how thrilled she was to be expecting you.
My children will miss their "Aunty" Paula. Aaron and I will miss our dear friend.
With love and continued prayers,
Kim Schat
Thank you for telling these stories about Paula. It helps those of us who never had the pleasure of getting to know her put a face to the sorrow. I do remember meeting Paula once and congratulating her and Darren on their engagement - only to find out later that they had just started dating, far from a wedding at that point. She laughed at my mistake, thankfully. Our prayers go to the familes and friends of Paula, particularly Darren and little Micah.
"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
Lamentations 3:19-23
Sara (and Ralph) Pot
We are thinking of you and praying for you. May the greatest comforter of all just surround you at this very difficult time.
George and Janis Thies
Paula was the first to welcome me into residence at UBC. She bounced into my room full of smiles and hugs...and right away I knew I had met a kindred spirit. Paula was overflowing with love, kindess, generosity and compassion for everyone and everything around her. She loved life and everything it had to offer. Paula was one of my dearest and closest friends. You could always count on Paula, no matter how busy she was (and she sure was busy!), she always made time for you. That's just the person she was. After Paula moved away from BC, we didn't talk as much (and I deeply regret this), but whenever we did talk, we would just connect...like no time had passed between us at all. Paula always voiced how much she wanted to be a mother...she wanted very much for her son Micah and my son Noah to meet and be friends. I do hope this will happen someday Micah...as I want to tell you what a beautiful person your mother was. Paula was loved by all and she touched everyones' life. I am still finding it hard to believe she has gone to be with our Lord. The world just doesn't seem right without her not here. Paula...you will be deeply missed. Darren and Micah...our thoughts and prayers are with you. I am so sorry for our great loss. Paula will never be forgotten.
Love Le-Dinh, Greg, and Noah
We met Paula at St John's Shaughnessy in 1998 at an "Integration Group" (bibly study) - she was dating Darren then. A few couples from that group carried on (including the Brouwers and us) and even though new people have joined and some people have moved on (including us), that group still exists today and is praying for Darren and Micah this very evening. We remember one evening when we had a visitor join us for bible study (a potential new member - Fleur was her name) and at the end of the evening Paula turned to Fleur and eagerly asked, "So, do you like us?". We all laughed and continually brought up that one-liner when we had new people join.
Paula gave of herself whole-heartedly in everything she did. When we attended Paula & Darren's wedding we were surprised and amazed at the personalized name cards with a long hand written note thanking us for coming. The note was individualized and we could tell great thought went into each one of these notes for the (?150+) guests.
After the wedding Darren and Paula lived in an apartment directly across the street from ours in Vancouver and we enjoyed conversations carried on across Balsam Street, occasionally interrupted by cars driving by, but quickly resumed thereafter. Other times, it was just a friendly wave from one living room to another, just acknowledging that we'd caught sight of our good friends.
Paula's passion to help the needy was truly inspiring and we could always count on her to organize the Christmas hampers for the Crisis Pregnancy Centre each year. She was one of the most Christ-like people we have ever known, daily living out her faith in real, tangible ways. Very few walk the walk as Paula did.
"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me...whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." Jesus
As angels rejoice in Paula's homecoming, Darren, we mourn with you and long for more of the light that Paula shone in this world. What an incredible honor to have counted a woman like Paula as one of our friends! We look to God to help us release her into His arms, and we ask Him to give us the strength to pick up where she left off.
I'll always remember Paula's vivacity. The time she almost cried in front of the kids whilst telling them about Nkunga Village in Sunday school. Or when we went to the pantomime... "We never get to throw things at the stage in Canada" Or the Name Game when we were on holiday in Wales. Such an expressive capacity for enjoyment of life.
Here's to you, Paula!
Love Jacob
Since this news reached Neyir and me, I have been telling Neyir stories about Paula. Many she has heard before, but many of you have not, so here are a few.
I had a sure fire way of making Paula laugh. It was a little crude, but it always seemed to work. First thing that was required, was to purchase a large tube of Chocolate Ice Cream. Next, was to stand outsider her Apt. building and call her name really loud. Upon seeing her face in the window, I would turn, and reveal my backside to her. Next, I would hold up the tub of chocolate ice cream. All of this would put a smile on her face and allow me entry into her flat to share the mighty tub of ice cream.
Paula, was the first person I have met (at least in my memory) who was willing to sing all the verses to 99 bottles of beer on the wall. I have only met one other person who was willing to do this with me. It is a testament of her patience.
One time, when we were helping our friends Jen and JP to move to Bowen Island, Paula got stuck in the cab of the truck with me driving. We ended up in a traffic jam in downtown Vancouver and we weren't even close to Stanley Park yet. We started singing the rift to "Bizarre Love Triangle" over and over again; we didn't stop for at least 30 min.
She was always willing to entertain my off the wall ideas.
Her eagerness to learn was always exciting to see. I remember teaching her how to throw a disc. She picked up the skill really well and I loved how well she also picked up the confidence to throw the huck. To me, many of the things she did was like that. She did everything as well as she could, and she did it all for the Glory of God.
I will endeavour to write down all the stories I can possibly remember about her.
Thank you Lord for bringing her into our lives.
Dear Darren and Micah,
My thoughts are with you all at this very sad time. I feel truly blessed to have had Paula in my life whilst working in Eastleigh, Southampton, and then wonderfully, she was in my life forever more. She really was an inspiration. Her ability to see the good in everyone, no matter what she was faced with demonstrated genuine character. I have never seen such dedication and commitment from one person in a work place towards the families and colleagues she worked with. The image of her wonderful smile (when she wasn't stressing about getting literally everything done to perfection in the way that only Paula could!) is what I always imagine when I think of Paula and this will stay with me.
The last time I saw Paula and yourselves, was when you all visited before Christmas and we had a work ‘reunion’. Her happiness was overflowing, and this happiness was clearly because of the both of you.
Thank you Paula for entering my life. We will all miss you.
With love and sadness
Jacqui.
Xxx
I met Paula and Darren in our Home Group with Highfield Church in Southampton and they were both missed in the Group when they went back to Canada.
I remember Paula for huge compassionate heart, how she loved and cared for children that were in her care when she worked with Social Services and the inspiration that she gave us as a Group to do something about the unfairness of the world and encouraged us to look at Fairtrade options, in such a loving way.
I will always remember Paula for her outpouring of love and joy and thank God that I was able to meet her. She will be deeply missed.
Love
Bekki
I did not know Paula personally, but I do know her parents-in-law, Henry and Jane. Also Eric and Bertina Hogeterp are good friends of mine, and I know they were close to Paula. It is difficult to imagine a more tragic circumstance than this. My heart goes out to everyone affected, especially Darren and Micah. May God grant you his comfort and the assurance of his presence. We will continue to pray for you.
I had the pleasure of being a rugby teammate and close friend of Paula's in Ottawa in the mid 90's. She was the kindest, gentlest person you could ever hope to meet... until she stepped on the pitch. Then heaven help anyone who tried to get between her and that funny shaped ball!
Despite the fact that I had lost touch with her over the last few years, I will greatly miss her presense in this world. She was a truly special woman, and I was priviledged to call her a friend.
My heart goes out to her family, and I know there is nothing I can possibly say to make this tragedy any easier to cope with.
Love,
Kate.
Dear Darren and Micah
My heart goes out to you in the tragic death of your wife and mother Paula. The few times I have met Paula at extended family gatherings, I remember her huge beautiful smile and her kindness and consideration for others. Please know that many are holding you up in prayer. We don't often understand God's ways. May God, the great Comforter, surround you with His loving arms and give comfort and strength and courage for the days ahead. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Much love
Aunt Wenda
I took a moment to be alone on a park bench in my favourite spot yesterday to say a prayer for Paula's recovery, after I heared the terrible news of the accident. I got to know her through my fiance Bekki. Although I hardly knew her, it was very clear to me the affection and love for her displayed by all her friends in Southampton. I was welcomed by Paula to one of the parties at her place, and it was as if I'd known her for years, so it is easy to understand why she was held in such high regard by everyone.
My thoughts and prayers are now with Darren and the family. God be with you all at this most difficult of times.
Roy.
Paula… where do I start… I guess at the beginning…
I met Paula one summer, many years ago, when she came to study at the University of Ottawa. She had been encouraged to try out for our rugby club by her friend Kerri from BC. I was one of the women’s team coaches and was doubtful that she would stick it out – Paula had never before played a contact sport and did not seem the type that would take to it. I had the task of teaching her, and another rookie, how to tackle properly so they could protect themselves and not be injured in the upcoming season. She was so nice and kind-hearted, and seemed so timid when performing the tackling drills that I doubted this would be the sport for her.
A week after Paula had stepped on to our practice field, we had a tournament away in Brampton, and though she was a little apprehensive, she was very keen and wished to come to the tournament. I told her she could bring her cleats and mouth-guard, but that she would probably not get to play. She was fine with that and was happy to get the chance to watch and learn.
Halfway through the tournament, we were scheduled to play a younger, more inexperienced team and I informed her that, if she wished to do so, she could get the chance to play in a relatively low-key game. I was not sure if she would be up for it, but she was really excited, though somewhat nervous, about playing. I told her not to worry, that I would give her directions from the sidelines and if she wanted to come off the field, she had only to tell me.
Well… when that whistle blew, I saw that the mild-mannered Paula was replaced by a very fit and powerful woman with more heart than I had ever, or have yet to witness in any other player. I had been apprehensive about putting her in a game because I did not want her to be hurt… was I ever wrong! All I could think of was that I hoped the other team would survive her enthusiasm for the sport.
As the game went on, I noticed that she was muttering something to her opponents after she had tackled them to the ground, especially to the ones that she had really hit hard. I wondered if this seemingly kind-hearted, warm-smiling lady from BC had a mean streak in her and was “trash-talking” those she had put down. I was ready to pull her off the field to have a discussion about sportsmanship with the young lady, when she happened to tackle an opponent near the sideline by which I was standing… She was not “trash-talking” the other players, she was appologizing to them and asking if they were alright before she went on with the play!!!
Micah and Darren, I have known Paula for a long time now and have many other non-rugby related stories that I could have shared to show her kindness, loving heart, contageous smile, motherly and spousal devotion… (and I will do so in the years ahead), but I thought I would share this story because it is the one I think of when I think of Paula. It tells of that first moment… the moment I realized what a very special person Paula was.
Everyone who knew Paula has had that same “moment,” and we will keep it with us, and share it…celebrating it in the years ahead.
With sympathy and love,
Jason
Memories of Paula,
The first time I met Paula was at a restaurant in the market with my soon to be husband, Paula’s former rugby coach. Paula and Darren had just moved back to Ottawa. The moment we met at the meal Paula wanted to sit beside me and get to know me. We chatted and laughed. I have never met a more fearless open woman. Paula could ask any question with good intent and genuine curiosity. By mid meal she blatantly said with a huge smile “I like you.”
Many times after this first meeting we had games nights, Cities and Knights, Carcassonne and The Settlers of Catan were usually the top choices. One special night Paula was so excited that she told us, a little sooner than they had planned to tell everyone, that she and Darren were expecting. Darren smiled and confirmed to our surprise that yes soon little Micah would be born.
Paula and Darren couldn’t have been more overjoyed with their new son. Paula, a wonderful mother and very relaxed, said “I’m excited to get to know you better and for Micah to know you too”
You could talk to Paula about anything. I was a little embarrassed about a blunder in the kitchen and mentioned it to her. Little did I know that Paula had just started to cook. She brought out her latest recipe book and vibrantly told me about her new goal to start cooking. She had already started to prepare meals for friends and thought it was an excellent form of hospitality.
Paula initiated get-togethers, was full of fun, laughter and concern for everyone around her. Paula had time for everyone. Even in the Christmas season when people are busiest with family events she took the time to invite us to join her family at St. Georges church for the Christmas Eve service and sent us away with a warm embrace and the wish of a wonderful Christmas season.
Paula’s ability to love unconditionally each person she met is an inspiration to all of us.
Love Gillian
Sometimes words cannot express feelings and this is one of them. Please know my thoughts are with you Darren and all of Paula's family and friends. I knew Paula from rugby and all day I've been going over the fun times we had. This is an extremely tragic event and it makes me feel very small and humble. Paula was a spark that was extinguished much too soon. Her effervescense was contagious and her will strong; may it live in Micah. Peace. xo
I met Paula through work at CMHA. She didn't work with us long, soon after she started she became pregnant with Micah. She was so happy. AFter Micah was born I would still see her at our monthly book club meetings. Initially she would bring Micah along, he would sleep while we chatted and discussed books. Paula, already sleep deprived from nightly feedings, would read through the night to make sure she would finish the book. That for me was Paula: no half jobs. Being a new mom was no excuse not to finish the book. You join the club, you read the book seemed to be her motto.
I bumped in to Paula one day at an outdoor store in Ottawa, just weeks after Micah was born. I jokingly asked if they were preparing a camping trip: turned out that they had already gone camping with little Micah in tow. While most people were fainting from the heat, Darren - Paula and Micah decided that it was time to expose Micah to the Canadian outdoors.
Darren and Micah, I wish you all the strength you need to get through this difficult time. My thoughts are with you. Please know that Paula will be missed.
Nanda
What a blessing to have known Paula. Memories of her instantly bring a smile to my face and joy to my heart, truly!
Paula was the picture of love to others and joy in life. They were unique gifts that she gave to everyone she met. I recall a few occasions around a fire, that Paula would stare at the flames (as we all do) with a smile as she listened intently to others. I will always admire her ability to place others before herself. She made a dramatic impact on many, even those of us who only connected sporadically over time.
Darren and Micah, as the pain of loss slowly fades, may the images and knowledge of her love and joy for you only grow stronger and more real.
Love Dave
My memories of Paula, began in elementary school. There were three schools in Mackenzie, at that time, that housed kindergarten to grade 7. So as children, we would compete in athletics against the two other schools…for soccer, basketball, track, etc. Paula and I were in opposing schools. Her reputation proceeded her, even then. She was an incredible athlete. Truly great at everything.
In grade seven, after weeks of lunch hour practicing, Paula and I would compete in the Cross Country Long Distance Race, held yearly at the Golf Course. I would come in second that day, beat only by Paula. Yet in my mind, at that age, it was a victory for me, as good as first, because no one could have placed above her…Paula Sharpe was “unbeatable”.
In grade eight, the three schools combined, and we would all come together in Mackenzie Secondary. Although Paula and I were never truly ‘close’…we shared a mutual BFF, in Angie Graham. It seemed as I would arrive at Ang’s house, Paula would be just leaving, and vice versa. I was always met by a genuine hello, how are you? Paula mastered great eye contact early on…when she spoke to you, she was focused on you. She walked with a quick step, as though there were always something waiting…always something to do. She was more driven, than any other person I remember, growing up. It was clear to all of us, that she would dedicate her life to her commitments. She stayed on the straight and narrow, when others faltered…she had a natural strength that most of us can only aspire to. Paula was remarkable.
I met Darren later in life, again at Ang’s house in Vancouver. Although he may not remember me, the two of them together, were impossible to forget. They were as close as I have seen to “starry eyed”, and smitten. It comes as no surprise that Paula found her true love in Darren.
So in closing, dearest Darren and baby Micah, I can only offer you my most heartfelt condolences. It appears that Paula’s most admirable and astonishing traits have been passed to her baby boy. Already, he is a survivor, as determined and dedicated as his mom. I wish the ‘three’ of you, THE VERY BEST in your journey together…
And to Paula's beloved family and friends...xoxo
With love,
Anjie (Hummel) Nielsen
Dearest Micah
I will do my best to try to put into words how much your mommy meant to me. Your mommy was the strongest, most beautiful, compassionate person that I will ever meet.
I met you mommy many years ago when she came out to play rugby for the Ottawa Indians. Your mommy was a natural. She gave it her all and was very determined to make every tackle. What most people might not realize is that for every tackle that she made, she "always" apologized to the person she tackled. We played together for many great years, we even had the opportunity to play for eastern ontario.
Your Mommy would go home in August, but we would continue our growing friendship. Back home, she met the man of her dreams, your daddy. Your mommy and daddy connected on so many levels, levels that many people dream of. She was totally in love.
Over the years many things happened. Such as: weddings, children, your mommy and daddy moving to England, we moved to different towns. But we cherished what we had and kept in touch through it all. Finally, your mommy and daddy moved to Ottawa.
Last year, your mommy and I were trying to desperately get together. One weekend I would feel sick, the next weekend your mommy would feel sick. To our wonderful surprises we were both pregnant, and our due dates were only a week apart. Caleb came first. Your mommy and daddy came to visit us in the hospital. You could see it on your mommy's face how anxious she was to hold you. Then finally, you arrived. Your mommy couldn't have been more proud. She was so happy to have two men in her life. There was a new sparkle in her eye. She was excited that you and Caleb would grow up together. Our phone conversations, went from rugby, to where are you living now, to comparing pregnancies, to diapers and sleep (or lack of).
Your mommy was an amazing person! After she had you she decided to start cooking. Apparently, your Daddy did all the cooking and she wanted to start cooking for him. I thought it was pretty funny when she told me she didn't know how to peel a potato. We would have some good laughs. Many times I would call and she would quickly say that she would have to call me back. My response would be "Your cooking, right?"
I have noticed that many people have written about your mommy's singing. It's so funny and so true. I've heard your mommy sing rugby songs and I've also heard her sing to my four children. I will always remember "slippery fish".
The last time I saw you and your mommy was at your house. Caleb, Abby and I went over for a play date. Your mommy was so excited because she just got delivered some new "good" cloth diapers. She also had to call your daddy to find out where he hid the brownies. She was afraid she would eat them all, so your daddy hid them for her. She could always make me laugh.
I apologize for going on and on. But your mommy impacted my life in so many ways. I truly admire your mommy for the person she was and for the person she became. Your mommy was the best! I will remember her always. The memory that will last forever, is the memory of her hug. Your mommy had the best hugs.
I will always miss her.
I've also met Paula through the Indians, in the late 90's. We didn't keep in touch after but I was always happy to hear about her from her Ottawa friends.
Paula is the kind of woman that you can't forget. Caring, loving, sensitive, happy, spiritual,true, honest are adjectives that come to my mind when I think of Paula. I grabbed my pictures album this morning and looked at it. I was lucky enough to have captured pictures of Paula. Sure enough, she was smiling, dancing, singing and hugging on these pictures.
May God bless you and your family.
I had the privilege to play rugby with Paula in the '90's too, and what an honour to share the front row with her. What a player! And the kindest human being one would ever know. She is in the team photo I have posted on my bedroom wall, the one that was given to me by the Indians women to celebrate my wedding in '98. Paula's shining personality and zest for life will glow inside my heart forever where my memories of fine rugby days dwell. You are all in our hearts and prayers.
Love,
Bear & Barry
Dearest Micah:
Your mom sure knew how to hug.
Her hugs were inviting and full of firm love. She was never one to give an unemotional hug. Her hugs were real.
Love Mendelt
I know I have already left a comment....but I had to leave another. It seems Paula was an even more amazing woman in her later years from everything everyone has said. I always knew, as we all did, that she would make a difference in this world. As we all struggle to cope with this tragedy, I want to tell you about a song from one of my favourite bands, Jet. It's called Shine On. When I heard it again today for the hundredth or so time...it, for the first time, had a meaning to me. Here are the lyrics, but they don't do the song justice. Please take time to have a listen to it at http://www.jettheband.com/ .
Shine On lyrics by Jet.
Please don't cry
You know I'm leaving here tonight
Before I go I want you to know
that there will always be a light
And if the moon had to runaway
And all the stars didn't wanna play
Don't waste the sun on a rainy day
The wind will soon blow it all away, ya
So many times I planned
To be much more than who I am
And if I let you down
I will follow you 'round until you understand
That if the moon had to runaway
And all the stars didn't wanna play
Don't waste the sun on a rainy day
The wind will soon blow it all away, ya, oh ya
When the days all feel the same
Don't feel the cold or wind or rain
Everything will be okay
We will meet again one day
And I will shine on, for everyone
So please don't cry
Although I leave you here this night
Where I go how far I don't know
But I will always be your light
That if the moon had to runaway
And all the stars didn't wanna play
Don't waste the sun on a rainy day
The wind will soon blow it all away, ya, oh ya
When the days all seem the same
Don't feel the cold or wind or rain
Everything will be okay
We will meet again one day
I will shine on, for everyone
Shine on, for everyone
I will never forget her.....she has touched more hearts in these 31 years then most people do in a lifetime.
+*+*We will meet again one day+*+*
I am posting this on behalf of Jessica Keizer who shared this story with me today.
This memory is from a week at a cottage on the French River in August 2005.
Jessica wrote:
When we told the kids what had happened they immediately remembered Paula, and Cameron quickly asked, "She was a Christian right?". We answered, "Yes, she loved the Lord." Looking very relieved he said, "That's good Mom. Then she is with Jesus." It all seemed okay to him then.
Of course, he then went on to recall the time that she jumped from the cliff, screaming for the whole 4 or 5 seconds to the water, and when she surfaced asked everyone, "Did I scream?" We still chuckle at that.
I met Paula while dating my husband Justin on a visit her and Darren were making to Hamilton in 2003. It was an accident meeting at a soccer game but she threw her arms around Justin and vigorously pumped my arm up and down with excitement at meeting me.
Through the years we have gotten together with them on visits and have loved conversations of depth and meaning. Together, Darren and Paula had such an exuberance for life and an energy that was contagious. I have always been touched with the passion by which Paula lived her life… a passion for God, Darren, Micah, others, justice, and truth.
A memory sticks out to me of the last visit we had in March. Darren, Paula, and Micah were staying at our house and I came home from school on Monday at lunch to find Paula, pants rolled up to her knees, rags in hand, and beside herself with worry. Our basement had flooded, meanwhile Darren and Micah were sick upstairs in bed. The poor girl was trying so hard to make everything right. We quickly went to work scooping water off the floor with our hands into buckets, and ended up laughing at the craziness of the situation.
She was an incredible woman and will be dearly missed.
My heart aches for you Darren. You, Micah, and the family are in our prayers.
Much love, Rachel
I met Paula on my first day at UBC and Paula immediately started talking about social justice - something we were both passionate about. Paula started me off on making connections with things in Vancouver that had huge impacts on my life. She suggested I go to Grandview Calvary Baptist - a great social justice church, connected me with a Bible study Darren was helping lead, she convinced me to play ultimate frisbee with her and Darren (they were a great team together) and through hanging out at her and Darren's gatherings, I met my husband Ben. I can't say how many times I talked about Darren and Paula as amazing connectors and they play a major role in my stories of meeting my husband. I last saw Paula looking vibrant and strong, quite pregnant with Micah.
I am so thankful for they way Paula touched me in my life through her laughter, vulnerability, and welcoming spirit.
Angela
I was sad at church this past Sunday, I had recently found out that my dad has some serious health concerns. I didn't say anything to anyone and left church early. Sunday night I got an email from Paula saying "I saw that you looked kind of down today, I'm not trying to pry, but I just wanted you to know that I'm praying for you."
Paula was beautiful in so many ways. A few weeks ago we were talking and out of nowhere she broke out into tears. She told me she saw the movie "Blood Diamond" and couldn't imagine that she was raising Micah in the same world where people were raising child soldiers. Her dedication and heart for social justice and faith is something that we will continue to work towards.
I am glad that I had the opportunity to get to know Paula over the last few months. Her presence in my life is something I will never forget.
My prayers are with you and Micah
Beth Button
Dear Micah,
I was one of the very lucky people to have become friends with your Mommy. We met playing rugby together in Ottawa and have stayed in touch, periodically seeing one another throughout the years.
You are just a little boy and what has happened to your Mommy is so devistatingly sad beyond words...
Your Mommy was truly a one in a million type of person. I'm sure you'll grow up to realise this through stories and memories that will be shared with you.
She was such a happy, funny, smart, caring and generous woman and has touched so many lives at such a young age. Your Mommy could really light up a room with her smile. She had a way of making everyone around her feel special and when she spoke to people, she would look into their eyes and intently listen to everything they had to say. She gave big, strong hugs that let you know how important you were to her. She was such a kind person and everyone loved your Mommy so much. That's the kind of person she was.
I remember the first time I met you. Your Mommy was holding you so proudly in her arms. Her eyes were beaming as she introduced me to her pride and joy. She loved you so much and she loved your Daddy so very much too. I remember her first telling me all about her wonderful boyfriend back in BC and how she couldn't mention his name without a great big happy smile forming on her face!
Your Mommy will be so dearly missed by so many people and though you so unfortunately have to grow up without her by your side, she will always be watching over you, keaping you safe and helping you throughout your life. You'll have your very own angel...the best one of 'em all! Your Mommy was an incredible, wonderful person and so is your Daddy who without a doubt will make sure that you grow up with her in your heart forever.
When you are sad and wishing you could have known your Mommy better, look at pictures of her. Look at her beautiful smile and look into her eyes. You'll see her spirit shining through and will surely feel closer to her.
I will never, ever forget your Mommy...beautiful Paula. Trina
I know Paula from growing up in Mackenzie. I am priviledged to say that she was one of my best friends in high school. As Angie has already mentioned, Paula's reputation for excelling in any sport preceeded her. She would try any sport and be the best at it. Her determination and enthusiasm was evident from the get-go. We were on many teams together - basketball, baseball, track, but our favorite was volleyball, hands down. We always had an unspoken bond through competition - sometimes against one another, but I always wanted the best for her, even if it (as it often did) leave me in the dust!! I remember travelling with the team and knowing that wherever we went, I would have the best time, just because Paula was there. She brought out the best in everyone she was with.
I took notice of some people commenting on her cooking abilities. This reminds me of one day when we were at my house, making a cake or something, when Paula proudly announced to me that (at 14 or 15 years of age) she had just cracked open her first egg ever. She was SO excited, you would have thought she laid the egg herself!! That was Paula for you - making the everyday seem so extraordinary, so special. I never crack an egg without thinking of her.
Her dedication did not only hold true to sport - Mackenzie Secondary has never seen a more focused and determined student. Where the rest of us would be thrilled if we pulled off a C+ or maybe even a B, she strived for the A+ and most often got it. One time not long before report cards were to be handed out, a teacher gave us all another chance to boost our grades. Those of us who really should have done the extra work were too busy doing nothing to be bothered. Not Paula. She was studying for every other class and managed to hand in her extra work. The result? She finished the class with 104%. No, that is not a typo. 104%. Who does that? Paula Sharpe. Amazing.
I moved after our Grade 10 year and we kept in touch, Paula even coming down to Squamish for a visit the next summer. It seemed like we picked up from our last conversation and continued like we never spent any time apart.
After graduation from high school, we managed to keep in contact for the next few years, but unfortunately slowly lost contact and had a bit of a falling out. I haven't gotten over this loss. The result? We haven't spoken in 8 or 9 years. I am ashamed to admit that I let her go far too soon, and there has been a hole in my life - until now I have chosen not to acknowledge this. I always had the hope that we would meet at a high school reunion, talk things out and get back to how it was supposed to be between us. Did I ever lose out on that one.
I will always remember that big, bright smile that everyone talks about - lighting up the room as soon as it came across her face. That and her big bone crushing hugs. I'll never forget them, either.
Micah, you have been honored to have a mommy who never had a bad word to say against anyone and would do anything for those she loved. I wish for you the qualities that she possessed - strength, determination, conviction and the capability for unconditional love.
Darren, although I have never met you, you seem to possess a strength about you that I find very powerful. Paula certainly would have picked the very best for her husband and in the way you talk about her and your son, it is apparent to me that she did.
My heart breaks for those of us who have lost such a great being. To Jerry, June, Stephen, Darren and Micah, you are in my heart and in my prayers. My love to you all...
Deepest sympathy and love,
Erin DeRita (Hemstad)
I first met Paula in Mackenzie during eighth grade when students from the three elementary schools all began attending the only high school. At first, most students stuck to their pre-formed groups chosen by the elementary school they attended. But soon the lines began to fade; old friendships were strengthened and new ones were formed. One of these new friendships was between Paula and me. We had several classes together over the years and shared a mutual love of playing music in the school band; by grade 12 we were very close friends. Paula was one of those unique individuals who made friends with everyone she met. She had such a special gift of making everyone feel important and you knew she was sincere when she spoke to you. This was such an admirable and valuable quality to have, especially during those tumultuous teen years.
Paula was the most dedicated person I knew at the time. She gave everything she did 110%, and she sure did a lot of things. I never knew a busier person: yearbook editor, being on numerous sports teams (if not all of them!), playing in the band, grad executive, and so on and so on. And of course, Paula excelled at everything she did. I think her excellence was due in part to her tremendous dedication and perseverance, but also due to her love of life and everything in it.
As it is when you grow up and move away from your hometown, I lost touch with Paula over the years, only to exchange the occasional e-mail giving updates about marriages, careers, re-locations, and babies. I’ve only ever seen pictures of Micah, but even in those photographs you can see so much of Paula in him. Her spirit, zest for life, and commitment to living life to its fullest (just to name a few) shine through his beautiful, bright eyes. And I have never had the privilege of meeting Darren, but I know from what I’ve read, it is no surprise that two such incredible people would find one another and share such an amazing connection. You are all amazing individuals.
I know that I am so blessed to have met Paula and have been able to spend 5 great years in high school with her. She unknowingly shaped the lives of those of us who were so fortunate to have met her. She was, and will always remain, an inspiration to myself and to so many others. Paula will be treasured in our hearts forever.
Words cannot express my deepest sympathies for Darren, Micah, and all of Paula’s family and friends. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
With love,
Melanie Bayko (Valenta)
Paula was a sparkle.
I met Paula through Darren when I lived in BC. We spent a lot of time hanging out in Vancouver, at 'Darren & the Boys', at 'Paula & the Girls', and learning to snowboard as a group on Cypress Mountain. As many have indicated here, Paula was quick to love, quick to cry, quick to hug, quick to jump up and down, quick to hurt herself (I remember a particularly ugly torn ear after a rugby match!!), quick to cry out against injustice, quick to react, quick to engage in real conversation, and just plain quick (just try to run away!). She was so quick you knew she was real. What you saw was what you got, you knew where you stood with her, you had to know her passions, and she was quite impossible not to love and appreciate.
Paula, you touched our lives with sparkle as so many others... more than you ever knew.
Your life was Christ-like in so many ways.
We miss you.
Love Kevin (& Karin, Ephraim, Noel)
It's nice to hear that Paula's spirit lives on in Micah! I'm so happy to hear that he's doing better!
David and Jean Coleman have such wonderful memories of Paula and Darren when they were here in Southampton.
Paula was the most naturally compassionate and life affirming person we have ever met.
The only time when she ever got upset was when she was expressing concern for others, particularly children whose life chances were limited, and in particular a little boy called David.
We will miss her desperately. She longed to pour out her love as a mother, as well as the one who cared for other people's children and we allways planned to meet up again when we visit Canada.
This was a phenomenally intelligent and wonderfull "activist" Christian in the best sense of the word. Our prayer is that, in some way, that tremendous vitality will live on in her family and in the lives of all who were influenced by her- and there are many.
Love David and Jean
Remembering Paula brings forth images of her smile in whose warmth and light we all could bask.
My memories center on conversations we shared during Bible study evenings in Vancouver. Her willingness to just be herself and be open was such a true and precious gift of friendship.
To Paula, whose smile flowed out of her heart.
Love, Glenna
I was a classmate and friend of Paula in highschool. Paula was a charming, bright, smart, and motivated individual who brought smiles across the faces of everyone she met. One story sticks in my mind and it was our trip to graduation prom together when i found out that Paula and her mom kept the cumber bund and bow tie from me because they were worried i would stain it or lose it, despite my attempts to obtain a glimpse of it. Then Grad day came and i was granted my cumber bund and bow tie to find that I would be wearing 'peach' for the rest of the day among my friends black and gray vests! In the end it was a lovely day and i would not trade it for anything. I will always remember that moment and cherish the time we had together on that day. My prayers go out to her immediate and extended family during this difficult time.
Love Josh.
Hi Micah,
I remember one day when your mom came to visit. As she came in she exclaimed, "Here! This is for you!" and she handed me a figurine of an elephant. I don't collect elephants or have a particularly close attachment to elephants, as great as I'm sure elephants are, so I was surprised in my gratitude. She laughed at me and explained, "It's from India, and the person who made it got paid fairly for it. I got it at Ten Thousand Villages - its a Great store!" and I found myself being fully educated on the importance of fair trade. I wish I could truly write how she spoke - she was so enthusiastic and sincere. I keep that elephant on my shelf and it makes me think of your mom everyday, more so these past few days.
Micah, your mom was a beautiful person and a dear friend. There are so many people who will do their best to share with you what she continues to mean to them. You and your dad are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Loretta
Dear Micah,
Your mom was a beautiful person with a Christ-like heart. Many things come to my mind as I think about her, but what I keep thinking about are her hugs. Hugs that she would give when we said hello or goodbye. Hugs that I had to brace myself for or risk having the breath squeezed out of me. Hugs that were full of power from her years of playing rugby. Hugs that were full of love from her years of experiencing the love of Jesus. I am sorry I won’t get another of her hugs. I am sorry you won’t either. But I know that in the 10 months of your life that she shared, she gave you a lifetime’s worth of those hugs. She loved you so much. She was bright and joyful in the 10 years I knew her; but in the last 10 months, she was absolutely radiant and joy-filled. You were a gift from God to her. She was a gift from God to all of us.
May these stories give you a glimpse of who your mother was. May God surround you and your dad – indeed, all of us – with his grace and love as we miss your mom in the days, months, and years ahead.
Love,
Aaron
I had the privilage of working with Paula on Parish council at St. George's Anglican church. I remember how encouraged I was to know that she was joining us, and how creative she was in imagining new ways for us to serve the downtown community.
From getting us fired up about fair trade coffee, to dreaming about starting a dinner society for young professionals, Paula was always looking for ways to serve God in a manner that was appropriate to the needs of the day.
She had a warm, compassionate view of the world. She had a tender heart combined with an imaginative mind. I will miss her and the chance to serve God with her!
Greg Butler
All to often we travel through each day struggling to ensure we complete the tasks at hand. Forgetting to stop and recognize the simple pleasures, memories and joys that life shares with us in so many different ways.
I remember vividly the first day Paula and her family came to visit our family. Newly arrived from Ireland and residing in Mackenzie we invited them over to welcome them into our home and community. Paula entered the room and I paused to admire the prim and proper little 4 year old who stayed close to daddy's side through our visit. Her pristine white shirt and perfectly pressed quilt presented a very sweet dear young lady full of life. The round cheeks that smiled from ear to ear and the life in her eyes were contangious to all.
Quitely she sat until invited to play with our daughter and that was it, together they played as if they were best of friends who knew each other forever.
Paula's love for life I am sure evolved from the many novels she read obsencently as a child. I remember admiring the ability Paula had to read a book and continue to do what ever chore was assigned to her. Could you ever imagine reading a book and vacuuming at the same time, Paula was an expert at this and I marveled each time I had the pleasure to see this multi talented child clean the house while never once removing her eyes from the pages of the latest book.
Our friendship as families continued to grow and often when I spoke to June she shuddered at the sight of Paula after she returned from playing outside with the neighborhood boys, the rougher the play the dirtier she got the happier she seemed. This must have been the true rugby player qualities that she shared with others in her university years.
High school was filled with many busy activities and every where you looked Paula was there, never the center of attention but always there ensuring the small behind the scenes tasks were done to perfection. From sports, to providing a shoulder for a co-student who needed a friend, that smile would shine from any where in the room and you would know her spirit was warming another soul and leaving a lasting impression on yet another person.
Paula seemed to plant in everyone she met a tiny seed that we all have kindled over many years, and at this unique time our seeds are growing into a beautiful garden that will always surround Darren, Micah, June, Gerry and all family to ensure they are supported with love and strength. We will always smile each time a moment passes that provides us with a ray of Paula and we will share the burden of her loss. May you always know that the many lives Paula has been a part of are throughout the world are also growing the planted seeds and the garden will always flourish to help you Darren and Micah. Our prayers and love are with you and your families.
Love Dorothy Ehrman
Martina read me the words that Paula’s rugby coach wrote about Paula apologising to players that she had previously tackled. That really does say it all about Paula. She was a Christian soldier. Powerful, combative and fierce. But in the same person, without contradiction, was joy and love. I was on the receiving end of Paula’s verbal tackles (we all know, I could not have withstood a physical tackle from Paula). Wow! Did she ever hammer me! But at the same time, you always knew she loved you even when she hammered you. You knew it by the fact that there was never a hint of guile or malice in her debate. And you knew it because, invariably, she called or emailed the next day to apologise and make sure things were right.
I’ll add a small story. I remember visiting her and Darren in Southampton. I met them outside the train station. There they were near the deserted train station waiting by their car. But Paula was doing that sort of false start thing that she often did when she was excited to see someone or wanted to hug someone. One foot would start to move forward. She’d pull back. Etc. Like she wasn’t sure when she was allowed to go. Darren would just be laughing at her, enjoying her suspense. And her excited little laugh the whole time. My kids do that, too. They laugh with excitement. Paula did that. We know one day, we’ll hear that laugh again. We miss her.
Pete (and Martina) Scholtens
I meet Paula on our first day high school. The first thing that comes to mind is how beautiful her smile was. She knew how to bring out the best in everyone around her, she was bright, smart, funny, and strived for the best. This one story that sticks out was in band class and our teacher had picked out this song that had a really fast tempo, but it was with the drums and she asked if she could give it a try. Our teacher was not sure that she was the right person for the jod, as we all know she never back down from a challange. It was not to long before paula mastered the song on the drums and the performance that she gave on our last concert of the year got a standing ovation. Darren, micha, and family, from my family to yours our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Love Scott.
We had the privilege of knowing Paula when she was a superb prop with the Ottawa Indians . She was a dedicated athlete who was a natural to the sport of rugby. She was a great team person whose enthusiasm became contagious with her team mates and all those who came in contact with Paula . Always smiling and willing to learn or to help a fellow player . She will be missed . May the Lord lift this burden of sorrow from you and your family and may His presence be made known to you .
Our prayers , thoughts and blessings are with you.
Deepest sympathy, Tim and Rosalie Carroll
I've been trying to comeup with the words since I heard the tragic news on Friday. I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason, but this one stumps me. It seems so unfair for the world to lose someone who means so much to so many people.
I knew from the moment I met Paula in Grade 8 that she was going to achieve great things. After reading the entries in your blog I see she did. It seems so unfair the world should lose someone who meant so much to so many people.
Yesterday I was looking through my Grade 12 yearbook at all of the pictures and memories and came across Paula's entry. It was written on a page titled "Watchout for the Warning Signs of Stress" which after the year we spent on Grad Exec seemed applicable. Paula wrote:
Hey Dita! Isn't this a perfect page for us?!? What a year! What a weekend! I'm so glad that we became friends! Thanks for everything you taught me (like chopping an onion, dancing and dipping, and dealing with the "real world"!) Hey-I'm just going to be a little sappy now! I think you have the potential to be a great success and you had better not be stupid and let anyone stand in your way! I had lots of great times with you and am really going to miss you! Friends forever, love Paula."
She was so eager to learn even it it was something that most never thought about (like how to chop an onion) and she was so easy to please; she never took anything for granted. She could see good in anyone and in return she was liked by everyone she met. Her energy and enthusiasm was contagious.
She added one more comment but it is quite apparent she eventually realized it wasn't true. For that I couldn't be happier for her. "PS Guys are Stupid! Shhh..."
I haven't seen or spoken with Paula since shortly after grad but I had the pleasure of working with her dad from 98 until his retirement so I was kept in the loop of what was happening in her life. I think of her often and wonder what amazing things she has done, because that girl was destined to do and be nothing short of amazing.
My heart goes out to her family friends, and the many people who were privileged enough to have her touch their lives. We are all better people for having known her.
Danita
The song by MercyMe called "I can only imagine" keeps running through my mind. It is comforting to know that Paula is already experiencing being with Jesus and knows what we can only imagine.
Our prayers are with the family and we will miss Paula more than words can express. It was apparent to all how much Paula loved her family when we saw them at church together.
We were struck by the enthusiasm that Paula had as a purpose area leader at St. George's and will always remember her passionate call to Christ-like service.
Minna and David Peer
"I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine..."
I knew Paula in High School. Even at that age she had a presence about her a gifted person with a lot to give. My deepest condolences goes out to you Darren and your Son Micah as well to the rest of the family.
Regards,
The Taylor Family
As I just found out the terrible news about Paula, I am truly at a loss for words. I knew Paula from Elementary School and High School. As many have mentioned, she excelled at everything she did.
I was fortunate enough to work together with her on the grad exec and many years of band and band trips. Paula left a mark on the entire grad class, as she was the valedictorian, and her speech touched all our hearts.
I have many stories that come to mind, but my thoughts are so scattered. I am away from home at the moment, and eager to go back through my year book to relive all the memories I have.
Paula was an amazing person with great spirit and energy. She honestly was one of the best people I ever knew. We all knew Paula would achieve greatness in her life, and it is so tragic that it ended so soon. I haven't really stayed in contact with her over the years, but sent her congratulations when I heard of Micah's birth.
Darren and Micah, my thoughts and prayers are with you. May Paula's spirit carry on in you Micah, and may you never forget your mother and how wonderful she was!!
Love Carri Hora (L'Heureux)
I never had the pleasure of meeting Paula, but her name came up often when talking with my sister-in-law Loretta. Darren and Micah, words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss. May God grant you comfort, strength, and courage in the days and weeks ahead. My thoughts and prayers also go out to Paula's family, Darren's family and to Paula's many friends.
Take care and God bless.
Love, Kim (Yzerman) Teeuwsen (Dennis, Samuel, Leah, and Nathan)
I remember Darren and Paula so well and so fondly even though I lost touch after I left St. John's Shaughnessy Church to serve at another church in 2002. Paula was such a sparkle in my Discovering Christianity class where I first met her. I'm pretty sure she was in my class because she had brought a nonChristian friend to help them to know God. She had such a winsome way of wanting to introduce Christ to others! Being such a wonderfully friendly person, she invited me to her wedding shower and we all had such a lovely time in downtown Vancouver.
I have been to a lot of weddings in my life because of my service in the church as pastoral worker. But I can honestly say that Darren and Paula's wedding reception was one of the most delightful receptions that I have been to. There was so much laughter, singing, happy teasing, and the presence of people who loved Darren and Paula. Paula sure outdid herself during the festivities when she stepped up to "catch" Darren in her arms. The groom did land in her arms, but I'm not sure if the couple found themselves still standing. Paula was sooo strong and what a beautiful bride! She was also fun loving, up for a challenge, and delightful to be around. Anyone who knows Paula knows that her deepest beauty was the presence of the radiant Christ within her. Paula's beaming smile comes from a light deep within which can never be extinguished….
Grace and peace,
Karli Baldwin
I met Paula at the young age of 2. I have many memories of Paula, camping, playing outside (and getting dirty, even when she wasn't supposed to!), and of course her dolly's 'pram'. I had the opportunity to share a band class with Paula. I clearly remember one class where she wanted to play once piece of music, but not on her flute - the drums. We all giggled as the teacher's mouth hit the floor, but as in true Paula fashion, she excelled. One practise the teacher was helping another percussionist with thier piece, and looked over onto Paula's music stand where her sheet music should have been. Instead of music, our teacher found notes from her french class. This had to be THE toughest drum piece ever played, and not only had she memorized it -she was studying another class while she played! Only something Paula could do! Multi tasking was somthing she mastered at a young age. And even in her busiest times, as she hurried down the halls, she always made eye contact, flashed that contagious smile and said 'hello'. My thoughts and prayers are with you both Darren and Michah. Also with their families and friends. She will be deeply missed by all who she touched and those she hasn't even met.
To june, jerry, darren and micahyou are in our thoughts and prayers keep the smurfs close. I knew paula and her family in mackenzie they were our next door neighbors. Paula loved the smurfs so my mom went out and bought her one as far as i know she took it every where with her.We love you all and paula will be sadly missed
I remember Paula from Mackenzie....she was best friends with my little sister and I remember Paula at the house spending time with my sister. I was in grade 12 at the time Paula and Erin were in high school, but I remember being astounded by Paula's incredible intelligence, music ability and genuine friendliness. Mom and Dad coached girls' softball and we always knew that Paula was going to be on our team....she was a fabulous team player. It's been many, many years since I saw Paula, but the impact she had on people sure left an impression. My thoughts, prayers and deepest sympathies to Paula's family and friends. Darren and Micah - she's just on the other side.....looking out for both of you.
Nikki (Hemstad)
Lifetimes
There is a beginning
and an ending for everything
that is alive
In between is living.
All around us, everywhere,
beginings and endings
are going on all the time.
With living in between.
This is true for all living things.
This is a partial quote from a book one of my sons received when he lost a pet. It tries to make sense of death. When I was given the news of Paula's passing, I immediately thought of these verses. As we all age we are constantly dealing with the loss of family and ones who are dear to us. There is joy at the beginnings and there is sadness at the endings. What matters the most is the living in between! From what I know Paula knew how to live.
I met Paula for the first time when she came to work at the store I work at, to do some filing after school. She also happened to meet my son Scott when they started grade 8 together at Mackenzie Secondary. Of course, the first impression... her smile and those big eyes, her face lit up at what ever she was doing. She had a quiet intensity about her that I had never seen before, from her filing, her scanning groceries and packing bags at the Co-op to her school work, sports and just plain ole living. I remember when my son, Scott's,midget hockey team won the provincial championships in East Vancouver in 1994. It was spring break, and Paula was also down at the coast and we picked her up to go to some games. After they won she was in the dressing room with the celebrating hockey players and coaches, right in the thick of things, as happy as if she had just won, and as proud as if she was their mom.
I haven't seen you in many years Paula, but you will be sorely missed. I have never met you husband or son, but I send my deepest sympathies to them both as
I do to your loving parents.
So, no matter how long they are
or how short, lifetimes are really
all the same.
They have beginnings, and endings,
and there is living in between....
Love Janey
Dear Micah,
I met your parents when they were expecting you last spring. I was privileged to have them in the prenatal class I was teaching, and while I don't always remember the names of couples from my classes, I do distinctly remember your Mommy and Daddy - they were such a lovely couple.
Your Mommy was so beautifully round and full of life within (you!) while pregnant - she truly did glow with the joyful anticipation of your arrival! Your Mommy and Daddy were both so happy planning for their first baby! Their love for each other and for you already was evident.
I remember hearing of your birth with a lovely birth announcement in my inbox one day, and as I read about your Mommy here, how fitting that you were born on the Sabbath day!
My prayer for you Micah is that the 9 months you shared with your Mommy within her and the next 10 months you had after your birth be ever present within you as you go through life. She lives on within your very being.
Your Mommy is physically part of you, and I pray that this will somehow comfort your Daddy, knowing that Paula's presence lives on in the child that was created from the love between them both.
My heart goes out to you both,
Leslie
Our time to get to know one another has been short, but the memories I have of those visits are precious and cherished. I pray that in the coming days, and as time goes on, that you will find strength and peace through God, family and friends. Paula was obviously a blessing and an inspiration to those she met along the way in life, her spirit and energy will live on in those she touched.
I met Paula when she was Angie's roommate in Vancouver. She has the most contagious smile and a wonderful love for life. I saw her relationship with Jesus and was amazed at how easy it seemed. She just knew Him and was so proud to be a Christian. As I prayed before I fell asleep last night, the tears streamed down my face because of a life cut short. Paula set such an example for all of us. I can only dream of being the type of mother that I'm sure Paula was. I will always be thinking of you, Darren and Micah. I can only imagine how tough some of the days will be! I'm so glad Darren that you can always look at Micah and see a part of Paula smiling back at you. Take care.
Heather
We are so deeply shocked and saddened to hear such tragic news and our thoughts and prayers are with you, Darren and Micah.
I knew Paula and Darren through the homegroup that they went to at Alice and Jon's house in Southampton during the time that they lived in England. I wasn't a regular attendee and didn't get to know Paula as well as I would have liked. When I remember her now, I immediately think of her smile - she had an amazingly warm and open smile that she extended to everyone and anyone she met. She also had an ability to put people immediately at their ease. I remember particularly one conversation I had with her just before she and Darren left Southampton to return to Canada, she was talking about how excited she was to be going home, mostly because she and Darren were thinking about having a baby. She so wanted to have children - in fact I seem to recall that she wanted to have a whole football team of kids! She was always so enthusiastic. I also remember how together Paula and Darren were, full of mutual respect and love for each other - they also seemed to have a lot of fun together. I am sure that she was the most amazing mother. I pray that Micah would know Jesus and be passionate about him the way Paula was.
With many prayers
Bron
So many have already spoken of Paula's passion and big heart. Like Bron, I cannot claim to have known Paula very well, but my enduring memory of her will be of that passion and love. In the group that used to meet together in Alice and Jon's house, it was always Paula, often through tears welling in her eyes, who would remind us of where our hearts should be. she loved God and she loved people - and I can't think of a better testimony to a life well lived.
God bless you Darren & Micah
Jon
We had only met Paula on a couple of family occassions, but her smile and her warmth were always evident. As I read through the blog, it is very apparent how much she was loved by all who met her. The other night after reading what was written here, I wrote the following. May it give you comfort, and affirm that God is holding you so closely right now.
I don’t understand Lord
What is it my child?
I don’t understand how you can take someone,
Someone so pure of heart,
So thoughtful and so caring,
Someone who made such a difference in all the lives she touched.
Someone so young
With so much to give
So much to explore
So much to love and to laugh
Why did you take her?
I am sorry child, but I can not explain it to you,
I will not justify it to you,
my ways are my ways
My reasons are beyond what you can understand or imagine
What will come of this will reach far into the future
And touch the lives of all that knew her.
But what of her son?
He will never know his mother.
He will know her in ways that matter the most,
He may never again trace his tiny hands on her face,
But her face is imprinted in his heart, her face is reflected in his own.
He may never again hold her tightly
But she still holds him
He may never again hear her call his name
But she whispers to him in the wind
He may never again find physical comfort in her arms
But he will find comfort in who she was, what she was
And what she is in him.
He will know her from his father, from his family, from their friends,
He will never tire of saying “tell me about my mother”
And those around him will never tire of telling him about her.
I have not deserted them, I am holding them in my hands,
I hear their cries, I feel their sorrow, I know their pain.
I will uphold them and carry them.
She is with me. She is at peace.
Sometimes there are just people in life that have something about them. Something that just cannot be explained. Paula was one of these people. Paula's Dad Gerry once said to my husband "I wonder where all this drive comes from". He was talking about his Paula. She was very driven. This is evidenced many times by the comments written on this site. My husband Dean and I and our two boys had the priviledge of living next door to June, Gerry, Paula and Stephen in Mackenzie. Paula was our babysitter. She was a very loving, kind person with a bright infectious smile. I have always said that she was the best babysitter we ever had. She truly was. It is no surprise to me that I read the stories now of how Paula loved and cared for children. I could see this in the way she looked after my boys. Paula has been an inspiration to my oldest son Scott in his school work. Scott comments quite often on the academic excellence that Paula achieved throughout her schooling.
June and Gerry always kept us up to date on what was happening in Paula and Stephen's lives. It was no surprise to me that Paula was succeeding at everything she put her mind to. It appears that Paula has passed this drive and determination on to her son.
We had not seen Paula for several years. However, reading the comments on the site has given us some insight into Paula's life and how she touched so many lives which is no wonder - she was a wonderful human being.
Dean and I cannot begin to express our sadness and sorrow in the loss of Paula. Our hearts and thoughts and prayers go out to Darren, Micah, June, Gerry, Stephen and the rest of the family.
Love The Guthrie Family
We only met Paula a few times, one of them this past Saturday at a housewarming party. Although we didn't know her well we knew her to be warm and friendly and always generous with her smiles. She was a dedicated mother and wife and has so obviously touched so many lives. Her time here on earth was truly a gift and she will be missed.
Troy & Kristen MacIntosh
Paula,
I never told you this but I loved you. I can’t believe how devastated I am that you are gone. It does not seem real. I keep on thinking I should ask someone to make sure that I have not imagined the whole thing, for surely it can’t be real. But I can’t think of any other reason that I would be so sad.
It may seem strange that I miss you so much, because we were not friends for a very long time. But you were special. You really loved God. You really cared about people who were suffering. You were strong enough to face the suffering head-on so that you could do something about it. And you approached everyone with so much love and gentleness. You were fun. You made me happy. It was exciting just to have you in the room. You brought a liveliness a sense of meaning and direction and passion and love.
I feel devastated to have lost you. In my mind, you were going to help me figure out how to live my life in a way that is pleasing to God. You were my inspiration.
But all is not lost. I know that what was most beautiful about you was God’s presence; Jesus in you. I want him in me too. I know he is in me already but I want more of him. When I look at your life I see areas in mine where I still need to work to submit to him. Now all I have are memories of you. That thought is so difficult to accept! Yet I will keep chasing after God’s heart as I know you did. Thank you for pointing me in the right direction. God used you and God is continuing to use you, even in your death.
Soon after I heard of your accident, a verse came to mind. “I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.” (John 12:24) How I hoped that this verse would not apply to you, that you would not be a seed that would die, not yet. But you have died. Now this verse reminds me that God cannot be stopped. He will be victorious. Your death is not the end. It is not the end in an eternal sense – you will rise to eternal life, and we will see you again. And it is not the end of your influence here on earth. Your influence has inspired me and it has inspired many others to be the people God wants us to be.
We will wait to see you at resurrection day, when all who are in Christ will be given their new bodies – “The body that is sown is perishable, it is raised imperishable; it is sown in dishonour, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power; it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body.” (I Corinthians 15:42-44)
Goodbye, Paula, my friend. I will see you again in heaven, where together we will gaze on the face of the One whose face I saw in you.
Bethany (Maggs) Reid
I am sitting here trying to find the right words to describe this amazing women. I new Paula and her family through St. Peter's Parish in Mackenzie. They showed their dedication every Sunday, Easters and everything in between. Through high school, Paula and I ran in different crowds but when ever we were in a social setting, we always made conversation. A lot of the times, I was in awe of her. She was happy, poised and always making people laugh. I knew she would be destined for greatness. After school was over, we all go our separate ways but I always new what Paula was up too through her mom and dad and the occasional chats with her brother.
When I heard the news of Paula's tragic passing, I was in shock. I read the blogs posted from her husband and numerous friends, and what an amazing women she did become. Her faith was one of those that I long for and her strength is something that I admired.
I don't know Darren but knowing Paula in the little ways I knew her, I know you will survive this and be strong as Paula would want you to be. Never forget all the ways in which Paula touched every ones life she came in contact with, and how we will never forget her.
As for you, little Micha, know that your mother is always with you, by your side, guiding you in your first steps and your first words. She lives on in you forever and always.
My thoughts and prayers are with you all and I know that we will all see her again.
With love, Michelle Hamblin
There Was A Special Garden In Heaven Waiting For Someone As Wonderful As You So, The Master Took Your Hand And Gave You Eternal Life, Brand New The Angels, We Can Hear Them Singing Small Children Are Telling Jesus The News
There Is A New Rose In Heaven
Picked By God, That Precious Rose Is You It’s Hard For Us To Let You Go To Realize Your Life On Earth Is Through But We’re Thankful For All The Memories Seeds Of Love, Planted In Our Hearts By A Woman Who's Life Was Honest And True!
In Loving Memory Of Paula
Who Became A Perfect Rose In Heaven May 2007
We'll miss you Paula
Michah,
I got to know your parents when they lived here in Vancouver and attended St. John's Shaughnessy Church. Before your parents were married, your dad and I would run in to eachother every so often and he was kind enough to teach me a little guitar and to help me move from our basement suite in 1999 (I still have the picture). I find it fitting that a great guy like your dad would meet and marry an utterly amazing woman like your mom. We have stayed in touch over the years and my family was fortunate to have them visit this past Christmas where we were introduced to their 6 month old baby. It was easy to see how genuinely loved you were by both your parents.
No one specific memory of your mom stands out in my mind, rather it was her personality that I will never forget. She was always smiling, outgoing and cheerful. Those characteristics combined with her intelligence and strength (both physical and personality wise) made her a person to love and respect.
It is clear from the numerous posts that have come from various people around the world that yopu mom is a very loved person. All of us, but more importantly you and your dad, are extremely fortunate and blessed to have been apart of your mom's life.
Dan Wicke
Dear Michah,
Your proud mom sent us a picture of you which is presently hanging on our fridge. Your smile will help me remember your mom because she also has a beautiful smile which she uses alot.
This past Christmas we were priveleged to meet you and to witness the excitement of your parents at this new stage of their lives. My heart breaks to think that your mom will no longer be there in body, but I am comforted that your mom's spirit will live on in your life and in numerous other lives. Your mom leaves behind a legacy that is truly inspirational - she knew how to be the feet, hands, mouth and heart of Jesus. Her passing is a huge loss to you, your dad, but also to this entire world.
Love from Nicole Wicke
I had the chance to meet and get to know Paula during the time that Darren met and later married Paula, in Vancouver. I have no specific story to share, just great memories of great time spent with them both when they would invite me over for dinner. Paula was so friendly and so open and so funny. And it was great to see how Paula always put a big smile on Darren's face. I remember thinking how perfect they were for each other.
Darren, our hearts goes out to you and Micah.
Paula told me my first words to her were "Do you like sports?" I guess I knew from first sight that we would be friends.
That was the sumer of 1995. I'd like to share a story from the spring of 1997, when Paula and I packed up her Nissan Micra and headed east. We had a box of powerbars and a map of Canada, but not much of a sense of direction or knowledge of cars. After each fill up came the same question: which way is east? And, after 3000 km of driving: why is that oil light on?
We laughed at ourselves after a night of sleepless camping on the side of the highway in northern Ontario. Turns out Paula was imagining a crazy man wandering the forest, while I associated every noise with a herd of killer moose.
After finally reaching Stephen in Toronto, our paths split and Paula went to Ottawa to reconnect with Darren and her many rugby friends from the previous summer. It must have been a great summer for her - on the return drive in August we went through the states, and I think Paula slept from Ottawa through to Chicago. She always awoke with five or six sorry's. I liked letting her sleep as I knew it was a luxury she often sacrificed for others.
She was so sincere and honest that I could talk to her about everything. The conversations we enjoyed on that adventure moved to letters in the last few years, becoming less frequent, yet more powerful. She introduced me to Diet for a Small Planet, and changed my views of food banks. In a copy of Race Against Time by Stephen Lewis she wrote "I found this book horrifying, challenging, and hopeful. I wanted to share it with you." I felt so honoured. In her last letter, she spoke of wanting to teach Micah about justice. What an amazing mom!
Thanks Gerard for calmly explaining the oil light function to us. Paula spoke of her dad with such respect. Thank you Sundiep, for organizing the summer the three of us lived together in Ottawa, and thanks Chris and Angie for organizing the year the four of us lived together at UBC. Thanks Darren for always being so good to her, and for sharing her with all of us. And most of all, thank you Paula, for giving us so much to celebrate.
Kerri
Micah,
I have just returned from your mom's funeral and words cannot express how truly sorry I am. What I can tell you is how beautiful the service was and that the church was overflowing with friends and family who had come together to celebrate your mother's life. Although she was taken from all of us far too soon, your mom with live on through you and through all the wonderful memories her friends and family hold dear.
Like many others, I met your mom through rugby. Her and I became fast friends as we both had a competitive spirit and shared an Irish heritage. Paula was very proud of her Irish roots. She sent me an email around St. Patrick's Day with the subject line reading "Micah wishes you a Happy Saint Patrick's Day" and attached a picture of you. I had yet to meet you as we were planning to arrange a playdate with all the rugby girls and their babies in the very near future. Your mom and I had been corresponding, however, about our wonderful baby boys as I too have a son, his name is Michael-very close to Micah! Anyway, when I opened the photo I laughed as I was delighted to see that your mom had bought the same Ireland rugby jersey as I had bought my son. It says Future Ireland Rugby Star. I remarked that perhaps our two boys would one day play together as they are only seven months apart.
It seems you have inherited your mom's strength, determination and character. I came to this realisation when your dad told me that you had removed your own casts. It reminded me of a time when our rugby team was in the playoffs. Paula had injured her wrist/arm in the semis and was told she could not play for six weeks-if memory serves me correct, she had a cast on her arm. I was the captain at the time and she arrived at the final match all kitted up and ready to go-sans cast (that's french for no cast). She said that her wrist was fine (she had attenmpted to tape it up)and she was playing in the final. With such commitment and determination we had no choice but to let her play. I believe she even scored a try in that game, not to mention the many people she flattened along the way. That year she was awarded most improved player which was only the beginning of the success she achieved playing rugby as she went on to play provincially for BC. Micah, you have not lost your mom. Her spirit lives on in you and she will watch over you from above. You now have your very own guardian angel.
To my dear friend Paula,
May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
And rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.
To Darren,
It's easy to be pleasant when life flows by like a song.
But the man worthwhile is the one who can smile
When everything goes dead wrong.
For the test of the heart is trouble and it always comes with years.
And the smile that is worth the praises of earth
Is the smile that shines through the tears.
My sincerest condolences,
Shannon
I think that as one goes through life one meets, now and again, a few people who one feels truly privileged to meet and to get to know. For me Paula was one of these people. I always looked forward to meeting her very much and I remember that on entering one of our group get-togethers I would make a beeline for her to hear about her latest experiences from social work in Southampton - not just to hear the remarkable stories from a world I am mercifully protected from,
but to learn from her about what real life is about and how she handled every dark situation with compassion and a wonderful sense of humour. It is incredible, and inexpressibly cruel, that this wonderful person does not exist any more, and that her son and husband must continue without her. It is a terrible and desperate loss for us all.
I grew up with Paula living across the street from me in Mackenzie. I can remember playing at each others house many times. Paula alway succeeded in whatever she did. I haven't seen Paula since she moved from Mackenzie but I knew see would do something great with her life. After reading all the stories from her friends and husband her achievments don't suprise me. Paula was a wonderful child and I think the older she got the more wonderful she became. My heart goes out to the whole family expecially Darren and Micah. Paula will be missed by everyone she has ever met.
Sharon Simon (Morrison)
When my husband Pete and I joined St. John's Anglican Church in Vancouver in September 2000, we filled out the 'Connect me with a Small Group' card in the pew. A few days later we received a phonecall from a fellow named Darren Brouwer, and a week later we met him, Paula, and the rest of the group for the first of weekly Bible studies that have continued (in various configurations) to this day. For years Pete and I referred to the group as "one of the best things that have ever happened to us," and Paula was part of the reason.
She was intelligent, fully engaged, forthright and quick to laugh. She wore her heart on her sleeve. If something came up during the study with which she took issue, Paula would involuntarily emit several concerned sounds (while furrowing her brow and moving her head from side to side in an agitated fashion) before finally bursting out with her opinion. It was typically Pete on the receiving end of these outbursts, but there was never time for bad blood to develop, as we would receive an email or phonecall shortly after our return home confirming that we were still on friendly terms.
Paula had a small red notebook during which she would industriously note our prayer requests (and answers to those requests) during the study.
When it was Brouwers' turn to 'feed & lead' Bible study, Darren typically did the cooking. Paula was a mixture of delight at having company over, and uncertainty over the domestic duties.
I loved that Paula had the exact same hairstyle the seven years I knew her. Functional, attractive, reliable - exactly what you would expect from Paula. She was not one for frills, but (very) occassionally she wore a ruffled blouse and of course could not escape compliments. She would respond with pleasure marked by embarrassment. Once she dropped off a large assortment of pedicure paraphernalia, that she had acquired through organizing a bridal shower. "I would never use this!" she explained to me. (For the record, neither did I.)
When Paula and Darren moved to England and then to Ottawa, she kept in touch with the group with email missives. I loved to receive these regular, detailed, interesting updates, although they were so informative that they had to be broken down and sent in brief, attention-retaining segments for at least one person in our group.
Paula loved our kids, and our home is full of gifts from her, mostly toys. She told me once that no more would be forthcoming, as she had purchased all of the fairly traded toys she could find!
I was thrilled when Micah was born. Thrilled for Paula, for Darren and for the baby, who was acquiring what were bound to be magnificent parents. I couldn't wait for the engaging, thought-provoking discussions about parenting that were sure to ensue. They did, via email, phone, and a visit, but I often commented that I wished we lived close to each other so we could get together for coffee.
Little did I know that it would all end so soon. I can scarcely believe that someone so full of life is no longer. She was an excellent example to us, especially in her love for Jesus Christ and for her neighbours.
Darren and Micah, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Love,
Martina Scholtens
I knew Paula as the little sister of my good friend Stephen. Always smiling, always laughing, that's how I remember Paula. Throughout highschool, she was the girl known for her warm smile & infectious personality, someone who would go far in this crazy world, excelling in whatever she put her mind to. She was always there for Stephen; she was his shoulder to lean on and the rock on which he rested. I am eternally grateful for the endless love & support Paula gave my friend, Stephen.
Paula, know that you are forever loved & that your family will always be in my prayers. May God bless you & keep you.
To Stephen, June & Jerry - my thoughts & prayers are with you now & forever. Know that you are loved.
Love Delta Carmichael (Hamblin)
I knew Paula in Mackenzie, from highschool. What a gal she was! She was brillant, atheltic and so very kind. Her smile was her trademark! I remember so many good times with Paula. One comes to mind often whenever my daughter has science and they are at the dissection part of the class... Biology 12 was when we had to dissect a fetal pig and we had to be in partners. Paula was my partner. She put so much time and effort into our report and diagrams... of course we got an A! The amazing part is she wanted me to keep the project when we were all done and I still have it to this day in my box of highschool memories. She and her family have been on my mind all weekend. Even though we didn't keep in touch I can see from this blog she did make a difference in this world, like we all knew she would way back in highschool.
To the family and friends .... may you always picture her beautiful smile!
Love Jenny Johaneson (Jensen)
It is amazing how somebody can impact our lives in such a small amount of time; how their smiles can remain in our minds for so long. I only went to school with Paula for 4 years - 4 short years at MSS - then we went our seperate ways in life, but I can still see her smile. It was that amazing. She smiled from within; it lit up her face and those around her.
She was one of those people that inspired awe in me - she was a wonderwoman; a woman who displayed what we all could be. She was giving, she had a huge heart (she was genuinely nice), she was brilliant, she was athletic, and she was gorgeous. Minus the magic lasso ...she was wonderwoman.
Something else that I clearly remember about Paula(and was so proud of and touched me personally)was her strong relationship with her brother; perfect love.
I only really knew Paula for 4 short years...but throughout my adult life i have often thought about Paula and the woman that she was (and heard things here and there regarding her life and her family) and everytime i smiled. I smile for her now as she is now in the place that we will all once again meet. And i am sure she is smiling.
All My Relations,
Jared Van Somer
Darren, friends and family,
A group has been created on facebook.com to post photos and comments about Paula. Here is the link; please feel free to add whatever you wish. There are already some excellent photos and memories of her and I'm sure there will be tons more in the coming days.
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2370668489
Darren and Micah,
I first met Paula years ago in the evening service at St.Johns Shaughnessy Anglican Church in Vancouver- our interactions were mostly brief but always memorable and always filled with love, sparkling and genuinely glad to see me eyes, the biggest smile and always a big bear hug (I always appreciated those hugs).
When my husband Paul and I got married in 2002 we inquired about joining a couple's Bible study and were directed to one where you Darren, and Paula were members. Paul and I were praying about whether to join at that time and I will never forget the Sunday night that Paula came joyfully over to us to say that she had heard that we were thinking of joining the Bible study and "please will you- you really should- you would be so welcome and we would love to have you and we meet on Tuesday night and are you going to come?". It was that direct and genuinely hospitable and welcoming invitation that encouraged Paul and I to join the following week and it remains a place of friendship, community, family, of growing in Christ and of prayer.
Paula was ever exuberant and excited about so many things- her passions were far reaching and she was always happy to share them. I remember a particular time where our study was meeting at your house and Pete and Martina's daughter (the one child in our group at that time...now there are 9!!!) was sleeping in her play pen in the bedroom...the girls were all standing around as Martina got things ready to go...Paula and I were gazing at sleeping Saskia and marvelling at the beauty, innocence and joy of a child (Saskia was about 18 months at that time). We talked about having "womb-wang"- a feeling that we got when we looked at a young child like this with awe...then we giggled and giggled and talked about how we hoped and prayed that someday we too would have a wee one to behold (Paul and I now have a 2.5 year old son and Micah has joined you).
Paula always genuinely showed compassion and care for those around her and she valued her friendships and relationships. I admired her deep commitment to Christ, to growing that relationship and to sharing with others. I have always been inspired by her attitude in that way. I am so thankful that we had the opportunity to grow in friendship with you guys and really, truly, to be blessed by Paula's ministering. We miss her and our hearts hurt for you and yet we celebrate that Paula is with our Lord and Saviour.
Blessings and much love,
Deidre (and Paul) Craig
Paula was someone to look up to in highschool. I say this as someone two years older than Paula. (We met through basketball, student council, among other activities.) Paula's academic achievements were beyond amazing, incredible athletic ability, but it was Paula's inner beauty shining through her always present smile that was truly awesome. She was kind, generous, caring, joyful, funny, heartfelt, passionate, a gentle soul, a team player...there isn't a thesaurus big enough to provide the necessary accolades.
There was never any doubt that Paula would do great things in a big way.
My heart goes out to Paula's family. May you find strength in each other.
Mariah Patterson
Paula was truly a beautiful person. I grew up with Paula in Mackenzie. However, I got to know Paula a lot more in high school. I didn't know that Paula had eventually followed a career in Social Work but I can say that it doesn't surprise me. Paula was a Candystriper in Mackenzie, and we spent many hours in the hospital lending a hand. Her caring, giving, friendly, compassionate nature made her a natural. She had an inner light that made everyone feel at ease.
My thoughts and prayers are with Paula's family, Darren and Micah.
Bonnie Dani-Shatat
Dear Darren,
No words can erase the pain you feel. Continue to take comfort in knowing that Paula is with her Saviour.May God be your comfort and give you strength now and in the years to come. Know that you and Micah are in our thoughts and prayers. Our deepest sympathies, Henry and Leanne.
I was recalling a moment in time when my husband and I met up with Darren and Paula in England.
It was a bit surreal as we had begun our travel(and New Years Eve)sitting in Pakistan watching the seconds tick down from a clock in NY's Times Square.
We caught a very early flight and arrived early at Heathrow Airport knowing that Darren and Paula would be meeting us.
In conversation with my husband I asked, "who do you think Paula will hug first?"
If anyone has been on the receiving end of one of those hugs you will recall with delight the flying burst of energy that propelled herself with much enthusiasm towards you and there is no denying you were missed and loved very much.
Well, the four of us caught the train into the heart of downtown where we ran into the center of a New Years day parade and of course nothing was open so we went back to the airport for our 'pint'.
That hug and those five hours made our New Years day the best we have ever experienced.
We have a picture of Paula and her family, Darren and Micah on our fridge. Every time I see it, it reminds me of a good friend whose smile and hugs I will greatly miss.
Together, we shared this rememberance at Paula's memorial service at St. John's Shaughnessy in Vancouver, BC.
Dear Paula,
Why do so many people live with regrets? You embraced life so fully, engaged people so genuinely, and loved so unreservedly that we suspect you might not even understand the question. But most of us do live with regrets and one of ours is that we didn’t always communicate how and why we appreciated you so much. Now, tragically, our next meeting seems so far off that it provides little consolation and we must, instead, express our love and respect with this letter.
One of the difficulties is knowing where to start. Our earliest memories of you go back to a time before you and Darren were married and we had just joined a home group of which you were a part. Your enthusiasm and joy were immediately evident and attractive. Your laughter was distinctive from the start. Clearly, you already loved Darren (and he loved you) while your love for Christ was still relatively young. During the intervening years we’ve witnessed both these loves grow and mature to the point that you are a model for us in both relationships.
Right from the beginning you impressed us in many ways. Your intelligence was immediately obvious. Rarely did an evening go by without you asking perceptive and penetrating questions. You were always able to push us beyond simplistic or facile answers. You weren’t satisfied until we identified the heart of the matter, appreciated the complexities involved, and wrestled with legitimate and appropriate responses.
But perhaps as memorable as what you said was the way you said it. Paula, you lived with your heart on your sleeve more than anyone we know and when something in the discussion didn’t sit well with you we all knew it immediately. You would squirm in your seat, open your mouth to speak, then stop, only to finally blurt out your frustration or dissatisfaction when you just couldn’t contain yourself any longer. You would frown and slouch. You would shout for joy and weep.
But of course! You were nothing if not passionate. The list of your passions was long and varied. You cared deeply about everything from the rights of unborn children to the needs of women on the street. From a proper understanding of Scripture to an adequate, embodied, lived-out expression of that understanding in the lives of Christ-followers. And while your compassion and fervour were inspiring and contagious, challenging and motivating, we were always struck by how you introduced others to the people and causes about which you cared. How is it possible for one person to be so remarkably forthright and thought-provoking yet winsome and endearing at the same time? A rare combination, indeed.
In our experience people who feel so deeply sometimes struggle to channel their emotions in healthy, joyful ways. But, Paula, you were always so much fun! Some of our fondest memories include introducing you and Darren to the board games Settlers of Catan and Carcassone. We love games and it was so fun to share them with you. That said you had an exasperating way of, shall we say, innocently trouncing your opponents. It was tough to get upset after another thrashing when you’d sit there smiling and giggling. The only time we ever questioned your sincerity was when you’d dash our dreams of victory with a twinkle in your eye and the ever-so-sweetly asked question “Do I really have enough points to win?”
And sports! We never had the chance to watch you play rugby (another regret) but we did enjoy one summer of Ultimate Frisbee with you. It was a beginner’s team and you and Darren were there to help us newbies learn the sport. You were a great player and unceasingly upbeat and encouraging. And yet, your competitiveness and determination still shone through. An image burned in our memory is the time when you were flat out, Superman-like reaching for the disc in the end zone. Naturally, you caught it.
But one of our favourite memories involves the time we visited you and Darren in England. We flew to England, got to your house, and with Darren’s help snuck inside with our 6 month old son, Jared while you were on the phone in the other room, all without your knowledge. If there’s anyone we’d want to surprise - it’s you! Needless to say, we’ll never forget the yelp of shock and exuberance when you discovered us. It made all the covert planning and anticipation worthwhile.
Another thing we admired about you, Paula, was your intentionality. You refused to coast through this world. You were constantly pursuing Christ and yearning to integrate His Spirit more fully into every aspect of your life. For instance, you conscientiously kept short accounts and never failed to seek forgiveness and reconciliation when you were worried about misunderstanding or hurt feelings. [In fact, it got to the point that on the drive home from Bible study we could predict when there would be an email or voice message waiting for us expressing your concern that some comment hadn’t offended or some tone hadn’t stung.] You remembered birthdays, you gave thoughtful gifts, and you wrote wonderful postcards and emails that kept us in contact even when we were not so faithful. We asked you and Darren to be Jared’s godparents because we knew, despite geographical distance, you would ensure that Jared knew you loved him and prayed for him.
Paula, we have learned so much from you. You taught us to love relentlessly. To live with purposeful abandon and a pure heart. To worship our Redeemer through enthusiastic singing and through our choices at the grocery store. To skip with child-like joy and to delight in small things. To cry out on behalf of those who have no voice. To accept new challenges. You taught us to reject easy answers. To bear sacrifice and responsibility with cheerfulness and dedication. To engage the messiness of life and the messiness of people without reservation. To embrace the goodness and love of God recklessly. To weep with those who mourn.
Earlier this week we attended your funeral. Seeing your casket for the first time brought to mind the thought “That’s too small! There’s no way it can contain Paula.” And of course, in a very real way that’s true. You are not contained by a wooden box. Seeing Darren and Micah without you elicits a deep sense of outrage and injustice. “This is NOT right! How can this be?” And of course, in a very real way that’s true. Your death grieves us all, even your Creator.
We are now left to figure out how to live in your absence. To live in such a way that we honour your memory. To live in such a way that you are not forgotten. So that your much-beloved husband, Darren, will learn to carry on without you. So that your cherished son, Micah, will know how special you were.
Paula, in life you blossomed into a beautiful picture of mature Christ-likeness. In death, you have taught us to better appreciate the moments we have with people. We long for that resurrection day when, bursting with bounding excitement, you will run to us, hand-in-hand with Christ, and we will, once again, be crushed in a Paula-hug.
We love you and we miss you.
Dear Darren and Micah,
I've already posted a comment above but wanted to add to it. Going to Paula's funeral was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Seeing the old rugby team together again, I just couldn't stop thinking about how, never in our wildest dreams would we have imagined that when next we would be together it would be for Paula's funeral. Many, many years too soon... I check this blog sight everyday. Reading about Paula's life, especially before I knew her and during the years after we played together has really proven just what an amazing person she was!
After reading the above comments, one phrase that really stuck in my head was the one in which Paula was described as being "Christlike" in the way she lived her life. What a wonderful way to be described! I've tried to think of other people I know personally that are as true and genuinely thoughtful as Paula was; no strings attached. With Paula, she was just happy to see others happy and I think that there are very few people like that out there. Well with all of this, I guess this past week I've found myself trying to be more "Paulalike" in my day to day life. I've been more patient with my kids, more appreciative of my husband, friendlier with strangers, more thoughtful toward co-workers... I've even found myself pushing myself just a bit harder at the gym because Paula always did her best at everything she did... I know I can never aspire to be as good of a person as she was; Paula was special... but I just think it says a lot about her that even now, she continues to inspire others, or at least me, to be a better person because of the wonderful person she was.
Trina
Love the added picture of Paula and Micah...truly beautiful! Looks like he's got his mommy's grin! xoxo
Dear Micah,
We got to know your mom through our Brouwer camping adventures and our Thanksgiving and Christmas get togethers. Your mom was energetic and could never sit still for very long; she always invited us nieces and nephews for hikes or walks to the park, even without our parents needing to come along. She taught us how to play Frisbee, Octopus, and Bear, Mosquito, Fish; she built grand sandcastles with us on the beach, and when we went swimming your mom always had to run (or jump) right in!
Your mom and dad were really looking forward to the day you would be born. After tobogganning down an Ottawa hill, your mom and dad told Erin that they were going to have a baby and would Erin announce that at supper? Well, Erin told our big Brouwer family there would be a new cousin soon. Everyone looked around wondering who would be having another baby. When our eyes rested on your mom and dad, we instantly knew--such bright smiles, shining eyes, and laughter. Micah, you are their joy. When you are bigger, we will teach you these running games and go on walks together, just like your mom did with us.
Love from Erin, Nicole, Justin, Adam and Helena
We knew Paula through our homegroup in Southampton, England. Darren and Paula arrived at a time when our homegroup was going through some changes and several key people were moving on. We were apprehensive about how the group could continue, but the arrival of Darren and Paula marked a new exciting chapter for the group. We met each other through our homegroup and the group had an enormous impact on us both, thanks in large part to Paula.
There are so many fantastic memories that come flooding to mind when we think of her. Most of all she will be remembered by us for the following things.
Paula had an amazing sense of joy. She had such a radiant smile and zest for life. The excitement she shared with us as we got together and later engaged to be married was immense. Even now I can see her clench both her fists, make a little jump of joy and with a big smile saying “Oh, yippee!”
The tears Paula cried were also deeply moving. Her passion to help sort out injustice and the compassion she had for the families she cared for in her social work job here were heart felt. It inspired us all to look through Jesus’ eyes and act as he would have done in difficult situations. Paula was only angry when angry about injustice and only cried when crying for another’s pain. She inspired and led our homegroup to think about and act upon social justice issues. She changed how we think about such issues: she has left a lasting legacy in us.
Our last memory that sticks out is one of a caring, vibrant mum. During the trip to England in October 2006 it was a joy to have Darren, Paula and Micah stay with us for a few days. The words of the song,
“Ho, Ho, Ho, Hosanna!
Ha, Ha, Hallelujah!
He, He. He has saved me,
I’ve got the joy of the Lord!”
remain fixed in my mind as Paula and Darren would sing them to Micah. Something we will not forget as we sing the same words to our baby when it arrives in September.
Paula would always end her e-mails to us with, “We miss you!”. We will miss her, but how happy we are to have known her, and to be safe in the knowledge Paula is with our Lord.
Love Gavin and Hazel Foster
Paula,
As I have read this blog daily since it was created I have laughed, cried, smiled and cried. I have struggled with how to add my thoughts and memories, feeling like no words could really do your life or memory justice. Just when I think that I have gathered the words, I read another post, one that feels like it says it better than I ever could. As Angie and I talked while we were in Ottawa, Angie summed it up, "what words could I add that haven't already been said, that would even come close to summarizing her?"
Here is my attempt to add a piece to the incredible memory of you…
My memories of you go way back to high school - your passion never failed to inspire me, or to set an example for me. I remember those late nights in the library, pushing ourselves, you would settle for nothing short of perfection - to create a yearbook that would adequately capture the memories of all of our classmates. As I looked back at our yearbook, I saw that even then your passion for the poor and forgotten of our world was clear and firm and you worked to spread awareness.
Our days at UBC are memories I cherish deeply. It was a coincidence (or maybe not), that I always followed you - first you on second floor Kootenay then me, first you on the 11th floor North Gage, then me, first you as Angie's roomate, then me and finally all three of us together! Living with those you had previously lived with and living with you, only confirmed what I already knew - that you were an amazing friend, genuinely real and tons of fun. I remember as if it was yesterday, the day you introduced me to Darren during his first visit to Vancouver - you were so full of joy, so bubbly and so in love... I knew then that you had found the ONE! I loved when I would run into you on your roller blades on campus – a way of moving between classes quicker, so you always had time for a hug and a chat - it amazed me how often I would happen upon your beaming familiar smile amidst a sea of strangers.
I will never forget how we would spend hours discussing the hard questions of life and faith - how we encouraged and challenged one another, how you would ask me to arrange a meeting with my dad so you could pepper him with questions about God and the bible, or how you challenged me by example, with the standard you held yourself to - you worked hard to find answers because you wanted the truth, not just in knowledge but in action. And the laughter, there was never a shortage of laughter and fun, or a desire to organize fun and meaningful activities for all. You were a magnet that brought people together and glue that held them together.
One of my most distinct and favorite memories of you, Paula, was during one of our last visits together in Southampton. I had just returned from my first trip to Africa, completely changed and unsure of how to proceed. With welcoming arms and abundant hospitality you patiently processed my "turnings" with me, sharing your wisdom and your listening ear. Little did you or I know how that visit would shape my future. I remember how inspired I was then at you and Darren, how you followed God's lead, and embraced every turn in the path as an essential part of the journey. The mutual love and respect you shared was and continues to be inspiring.
I am so sad that my visit to see you in Ottawa was to say goodbye - I thought you would always be there, you were so strong... as I sat in that beautiful church and mourned your leaving, never have I felt such inspiration and sadness all at the same time. Even in your death you brought people together and spread seeds of hope.
In true Paula fashion, as we remembered you with laughter and tears, I returned home inspired. Inspired to live life well, inspired to know Jesus more and love completely, inspired to remember the poor - not just in big project/mission kind of ways, but in the day to day. You really got 'it' Paula, and your legacy lives on - in the inspiration you have left us with and in the unending love you showed to all those you touched, directly or indirectly.
I learned so much from you Paula, to laugh more, smile brighter, love deeper and hug stronger. I learned to tell friends and family how much they mean - as you did so eloquently in your last update letter you gifted us with.
Darren may the faith, strength and love that you and Paula shared, comfort you in your pain, bring you joy in your sorrow, give you strength when you are weak and inspire your tomorrows.
Micah, may you rest in the assurance that your Mother loved you more than words can ever describe, that Jesus loves you even greater than that, and woven into the depths of your spirit and the fiber of your heart is all that you need - to be all that you were created to be.
All of my love, prayers, and blessings to you all.
Love,
Heidi Dunbar
I knew Paula through her work as a social worker in Eastleigh, UK. Whilst I didn’t know her for long, I feel privileged to have met her. I was amazed by her spirit and kindness for others. She was a wonderful social worker and really cared for the families that she worked for. - So much so that even when she left the country she couldn’t resist to ask for updates on their progress when she returned to the UK!!
I had the pleasure of meeting up with her again last November when Paula and Darren came back to the UK for a trip. We had a lovely evening at a work 'reunion' and I will always remember how happy Paula was, and how proud she was of her beautiful son and husband and how happy she was to pass Micah around so that we could all have a cuddle. Her life was complete.
Paula, your passion for life was infectious. I feel so sad that you have been taken so early and it is clear to see how much of an impact you had on so may peoples lives. Micah, your mother was a wonderful women and her beauty, passion and kindness will always be remembered. Love to you and your dad,
Vanessa Johns, Southampton UK.
Dear Darren and Micah,
It seems so empty to tell you how very sorry I am for your loss. My husband has never met either of you, but he told me this morning that his heart breaks for you both, and I think that's the only way it could be described. It's truly amazing to read this site and get an idea of the number of people she inspired.
Paula was my friend and neighbour for 3 years in residence at UBC, and we lived off-campus with Kerri and Angie in our 4th year. I've had so much difficulty thinking of a specific memory to share. Living with Paula was an adventure. Like everyone else, I remember her seemingly endless energy. She worked and played so hard, and she always had various (and often rather scary-looking) bruises and scrapes from rugby, rollerblading, ultimate frisbee, and other sports she was involved with. I remember that she was proud of those war wounds, too! I loved knowing that if I had a hard time sleeping or happened to be up late studying, Paula was usually up too, and always welcomed my intrusion. I also remember that when she did finally sleep, she was completely crashed - and I have pictures to prove this! And then she'd get up and start all over again.
Paula was fiercely loyal to her friends. Even when you two moved away from Vancouver, I always felt she would be available to lend a shoulder when needed. With everything going on in her life and the distance between us, I couldn't believe she remembered my last birthday. There was people I hadn't seen for a long time at her memorial service in Vancouver, and we talked about how fitting it was that it would be Paula that would bring us back to see each other again.
I knew shortly after meeting you Darren, that you were "the one" for her. No couple could have those matching grins you did and not be perfect for each other! I remember even shortly after you two had started dating, her eyes just lit up when she talked about you. I've never had the opportunity to meet you Micah, but I can tell you that your mom was so looking forward to you before she was even pregnant.
I love that someone talked about that song "I can only imagine" by Mercy Me. I heard that song a few days after she died, and somehow I immediately pictured Paula "whooping it up" with all the angels. And I can only smile when I think of the bone-crushing "Paula-hug" she would have gotten from Jesus when she got there.
You both will always be in my prayers.
Christin (Smith) Collishaw
I had never heard "I can only magine" by Mercy me, so I looked it up and enjoyed watching this. Here it is if you're interested.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3LUc78vbDk.
Alice.
I knew Paula best during my time at UBC. We lived in dorms together for two years and then lived in the same apartement in Gage Towers. Paula was so full of energy, determination, and love for everyone. I can't believe that she is gone and my heart aches for you,Darren and Micah, as you take your first steps into life without her.
Although I haven't seen Paula for four years now, I have wonderful memories of silliness on the UBC campus, camping, and good chats. I really appreciated how well Paula kept in touch with everyone with her email updates and took the time to reply to my emails.
She was a wonderful,caring and energetic person who did not hold back - this is definitly something to be admired! It is wonderful to see how many lives Paula has touched.
When my wife and I tried to assemble thoughts to describe Paula, the futility of such an effort quickly became apparent. How can such a vibrant life be put into words? As we thought about her many special qualities, however, we noted how rare they are in our society and we kept coming back to how unique an individual she was.
Paula had the unique ability to make everyone feel special, listened to, and really cared for. In a world where most people are in it for #1, my wife described Paula as a fighter for people who had no voice. While this is true, I would add that she made no distinction -- if you were a person she cared. If you had a hurt, a need, or even something great to share, Paula wanted to be part of that. And, just to make sure there was no doubt, she would drive the point home with a bone crushing bear hug. I know I will not be the only one who will miss that, the world could use more huggers like Paula!
Paula challenged us with her passion and consistency for things that mattered. If we were going for coffee she’d quickly blurt out, “Let’s go to Capers - they have fair trade!” In a world that favours pretenses and political correctness, Paula wore her heart on her sleeve. Whether during bible study or in group discussions at school and work, Paula would time and time again choose not to remain silent but to share her perspective. Well, perhaps she didn’t have a choice - if she didn’t speak up she might burst!
I’m convinced there wasn’t anything too small for Paula to care about. She had a unique way of understanding, of taking the time to know you and what mattered to you. For example, when Darren and Paula moved away from Vancouver we would regularly receive rather large updates from Paula detailing what was going on in their lives. We loved that she kept us up to date, loved the passion in the letters, and could just imagine how Paula would be conveying this information had she been there with us. Unfortunately, I have a rather short attention span and Paula knew this about me. In her unique way, she cared for me, it wasn’t too small or insignificant -- she proceeded to send the updates to me in smaller sections. I loved that! Who does that?! Paula did.
At one particularly difficult time in our lives 2 years ago, Paula typed out a message for my wife. It was a love letter of sorts from God. It touched my wife so deeply because it was exactly what she needed to hear from God. That message has been taped above our bed ever since as an ever-present reminder of God’s immense love for his children.
Paula’s life makes my wife and me want to be better people. What greater mark of a life well lived than to have cared deeply and to inspire change in others?
Paula,
I can't say I miss you because you haven't been part of my everyday life since UBC. That said, I can't think a month went by in the years since I saw you when I didn't think of you - in passing, without really thinking about it, but there. For random stuff, even just when we were talking about keeping our game fun and clean, your strong legs crazy hair and that little miss bump shift pop into my head. Association.
So it's not missing you. You were just still part of my life somehow. Now that you're gone those are sad moments instead of ones where I internally grin. Sad because you were just too precious to go so soon - like having the sun drop out of the sky before it's noon. It wasn't supposed to be dark yet. I can't comprehend this.
So I can't imagine how Darren and Micah feel. You were their sun and moon, and Darren I know if must feel black. For a while you'll need hope and God as your candle, and eventually it'll get brighter like a sunrise. Wow. Writing is hard. This is why I'm an engineer.
Darren, I'm trying to say that I'm so so sorry. I can't imagine how many times a minute you miss her. I know I can't do anything to help, although I hear time does a good job. I also know though that Paula's stubborn as a mule and good luck to heaven keeping her out of your life. She'll be there for every banana Micah eats. Listen for a silent 'Yahoo!' the first time he kicks a soccer ball. She'll get you through a crappy day at work, and she'll be there all the small burnt toast moments that make up life. We'll just need to adjust the way we see her.
Poo, i'm thinking of you. I'm sad you are gone, but am also so happy to have known you. It's rare to meet someone so good.
Tess
Darren reading these posts still leave tears in my eyes. We really only knew Paula from Moonlight Bay Cottages where you came to visit for a week. But we want you to know that you and Micah are still in our prayers and we ask that the Lord gives you strenght.
May the Lord be with you
Brian and Nicole
My husband and I met at Paula's house when she was living on Guiges back in 1998. He was travelleing with a friend and needed a place to stay. He had a faint connection to the Ottawa Indians and through them Paula offered her home to these two strangers. She brought them out to the Indians Rugby Canada Day pub crawl. Through this connection I met my soulmate. He and I have been together ever since. She brough so much to all of those around her with her openess and generosity. Your family is and will be in our prayers.
Micah,
Your Mummy was so much fun to be around. She made everyone feel special. She was great at everything she did - sports, school, events, you name it...she put her heart and soul into everything she tried. I miss her smile and her laugh.
The only time I saw Paula struggle was with cooking. I remember one time at UBC, she came to visit us (Mandy, Randy, and myself) and she told us about a dinner she had tried to prepare for Darren the night before. One of things items she had tried to make was hummus....but she lacked the main ingredients so she substituted with other ones she had in the house....apparently it turned into a bit of a disaster. When Darren came home he was the knight in shining armour who "repaired" the dinner.
When she was telling the story - I remember thinking to myself that Darren was the man she was going to marry. She had that twinkle in her eye when she spoke of him.
Micah, I check this blog everyday and I am so glad to hear that you have fully recovered. It is truly a miracle.
God Bless,
Louise
Micah, myself and Graham knew your mum from the day she was brought into her parents June and Gerrys arms as their precious little girl and little sister to Stephen. June is my oldest and closest to my heart cousin, our mothers were sisters. Your mummy came over to England with your grandparents and Unce Stephen and stayed with Auntie Kathleen and Uncle Bill in Preston, Lancashire. Even as a little toddler you were 'a gift from heaven', the apple of Great Uncle Bill's eye there's no doubt and adored by great Auntie Kathleen. Your mummy was full of character, affectionate and intelligent. She brought pleasure to everyone around her from her toddling days to the day she went to be with her maker.
Your mummy and family came to stay with Uncle Bill and Auntie Kathleen before leaving her home in Dublin, Ireland to imigrate to Canada. That was a wonderful Christmas in 1980, your mummy was four years old.(Photo sitting on my then finacee Graham's knee). Although she moved thousands of miles away she always stayed close to our hearts. Our families have stayed in touch through letters for the past 27 years and Paula has visited both with your grandparents and with your daddy many times since. My daughters grew to love her as did everyone who met her, she was so naturally good natured,caring and fun loving. Your mummy was so out going, aplways up for a challenge
andd basically as mad a march hare. She loved being around children and had so much empathy for children less fortunate than others.
Micah, your mummy has a loving extended family in England who are still trying to come to terms with her parting this life. We pray she has found Uncle Bill, I know he will be her guardian now and we pray you, your daddy, your uncle Stephen and your grand parents June and Gerry will be able to move on with your lives while carrying your mummy close to their hearts as we do. We love you always,
Maria, Graham Joanne, Katie and Hallie x x
hello Micah,
I am your Great great Auntie Kathleen in England, now 79 years old. Although I live so far away I always had your mummy in my thoughts, she was so special to me and her late Great great Uncle Bill. We have watched her grow into a beautiful woman, a wonderful daughter to her mum and dad, a rock of strength and best friend to her older brother Stephen, a loving wife and sole mate to your daddy and in her last year a devoted mother to you, the love of her life. Micah, your mummy was a very special person, she was our Lady Diana. We feel are hearts have been torn out by her loss, I know she will be by her Uncle Bill's side and they will be a strength to one another. I believe she has been taken so young for a reason, to do good in her new life, she has so much good in her, God will want her by his side to carry out his work. She will have children around her again but she will always be in your life Micah, she was strong in will and the Paula we knew will never let you go, she will be there by your side when you are hurting, she will be there when you are celebrating, she will be encouraging you tp play and work hard as she did,to enjoy life to the full and to be kind to everyone and treat others as you would like to be treated. Your mummy believed all men were equal, you carry that legacy on, she is so right.
I visited British Columbia with Uncle Bill many years ago and your mummy and uncle stephen may our stay the most wonderful experience ever. Paula is in my heart til the day I join her in heaven,. my heart is heavy with pain for you and your family, I wish I was there to comfort you all. I leave these heartfelt words of how I feel about your mummy.
Beautiful memories, woven in gold,
That is the picture I tenderly hold.
Deep in my heart your memory is kept,
To love, to cherish, to never forget.
Micah, we my love for your mummy is with you too, you have wonder people around the globe who care for you, look after your daddy as he will you.
I love you, Great great Auntie Kathleen x.
Darren,
I was greatly saddened to hear of your loss. I was one of the unfortunate ones who never got to meet and get to know Paula, despite living around the corner from you in Southampton. From the messages I have read, she sounded like a great and amazing woman; you were very blessed to have spent part of your life with her and to produce a beautiful son together.
My heartfelt wishes are with you and I believe that her spirit will continue to live in you, your son, your friends and family.
Linda
I think of Paula a lot while I'm driving in my car, buying Fair Trade, if there's rugby on the telly...and while I'm sad and the tears well up, I also rejoice that I knew her and the amazing warmth and love for God and humanity that drove who she was and what she did.
She'dbe really embarrassed to be thought of as holy, and make no bones about all things that would be deemed as unholy about herself, but she really was something very special.
I reckon with a smashng Dad like Darren and Paula's genes, Micah is going to one gorgeous kid. So lots of prayers of thanks for knowing you, and lots more prayers for Darren and Micah filled with love and support.
My First Christmas in heaven
I see the countless Christmas Trees around the world below
With tiny lights, like heaven’s stars, reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away that tear.
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear, but the sounds
of music can’t compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
for it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me. I see the pain inside your heart,
But I am not so far away, we really aren’t apart.
So be happy, for me dear ones. You know I hold you dear.
And be glad I ‘m spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I send you each a special gift from my heavenly home above.
I send you each a memory of my undying love.
After all the “Love” is a gift, more precious that pure cold.
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do,
For I can’t count the blessings or the love He has for you.
So, have a Merry Christmas and wipe away the tears.
Remember, I’m spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
Hello Darren,
I am hoping what I am writing isn’t in appropriate as I never really knew you but I knew Paula. I wanted to share this with you.....
I am currently taking social services at Algonquin College and I’ve had to do allot of self reflection. With this I’ve reflected who has influenced my life, who has inspired me to be who I am and who is my mentor in my life and career. I had to go all the way back to grade school and reflect on people in my life, the one person that stood out in every category was Paula.
To this day I still look up to Paula as she continues to be my source of inspiration, she showed me that a woman can be strong yet so caring.
As time goes by Paula will be my mentor through out life. She taught me so much that I can’t put in into words…..
I am, who I am because of Paula and for that I am thankful to have had her in my life.
As I grow, I can only hope to inspire people as much as Paula did.
I am always thinking of you and Micah.
Thank you for loving her!
Kim Anglehart
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