house, home, community

As many of you know, while we were in Ottawa , Micah and I were invited to live with our friends Jonathan and Jen Patrick and their kids. To have friends, a family, community right there below us was crucial for me during the first year of this journey since Paula died.

When I decided to come out to Vancouver to study at Regent, our friends Rick and Crista invited Micah and I to live with their family in their (smallish) townhouse. The day before we flew out, Rick informed me that they had got to know their next-door neighbours over the summer. The neighbour happens to be a professional hockey player in Europe and just before he left, he offered his townhouse for Micah and I to live in for our time here. Incredible generosity from a stranger!

Continuing the theme of house, home, and community, as of yesterday I am a home owner, or more precisely, a co-owner of a house in Hamilton. For over a year, I have been in conversation with our friends Justin and Rachel Cook about living together or at least close together when I finally arrive in Hamilton. At the end of the summer, we had a look at this big old house on Aberdeen Avenue and got pretty excited about it, as it met most of our criteria. So we put in an offer and have spent most of September negotiating and trying to get everything in place, which is not entirely straightforward with me being out west. But, as of yesterday we now own it! The current tenants will remain until December when we will all move in. Justin, Rachel, and their two girls will have the main floor and basement, while Micah and I will have the second and third floors. The house is 90 years old and needs a fair bit of work, but we're really excited about it and what it will become.

I am thankful that I had, have, and will have good friends to share life with; in the past, present and the future.

sick and tired of it

At chapel this week at Regent, we were told that the wife of one of the professors died that morning of cancer. I cried. For this man I've never met and for his kids. For my new friend I saw across the chapel who was also crying because he lost his wife three years ago to cancer. For my friend Mendelt. For myself. Today I read on Mendelt's blog that two of his friends died from cancer last night.

I'm sick and tired of people dying and their loved ones being left without them.

Is your wife here with you?

This past weekend Micah and I went on the Regent College fall retreat with about 450 people from the Regent community: facutly, staff, students and their spouses and kids. It was a great opportunity to connect with the people here at Regent. However, I was not prepared for the fact that in every conversation that I had with a new person, within a few minutes I would be asked if my wife was here on the retreat with me? Under normal circumstances I am not asked this, since Micah is usually not with me in these contexts. But this time with Micah there with me, it was obvious that I am a father and then assumed that I would have a wife. I don't fault people for assuming this, but it made for many difficult conversations for me. I thought very seriously about going back home to avoid this, but I stuck it out. On balance, I am glad that I did because some good conversations with some great people emerged. And Micah had a great time with all the other kids. But it wasn't easy and I felt more alone than I have in quite a while. So, be careful not to make too many assumptions about people's situations. Life is a lot more complicated for many.

Justice?

Yesterday, the man who caused the accident in which Paula was killed pleaded guilty in court to careless driving. This charge is very different than the original criminal charges of dangerous driving causing death and dangerous driving causing bodily harm. There was something written up in the Ottawa Citizen today about it (click here and here).

Essentially, the crown attorneys felt that the "dangerous driving" part of the charges could not be proven, given the circumstances of the accident. What the Ottawa Citizen article does not say is that there was a Supreme Court decision in February 2008 that changed the understanding of the law such that the consequences of the accident (death and injury) do not factor into determining whether or not the driving was dangerous (click here for a bit of an explanation).

It doesn't seem fair. But what would be fair and just? Really, how could the justice system ever make up for the fact that Paula is dead, that I am left without a wife, Micah without a mother, her parents without a daughter, our friends without such an amazing friend? Over that past 16 months I had not put much expectation and hope into the results of these charges. What would it change for me? My journey through my grief and loss doesn't depend on what the courts do. Don't get me wrong, I am still angry and disappointed about this, but I am not willing to let this disappointment lead to bitterness and despair.

Regent

I have not posted anything for some time now. So here's a bit of an update of where we are.

We spent the latter half of the summer in Hamilton, spending time with friends and family, camping, suffering through a very serious case of poison ivy, and getting settled in at Redeemer where I will begin teaching in January.

Micah and I are now in Vancouver where I will be studying for the fall semester at Regent College, taking courses in OT biblical studies, history and philosophy of science, and Christian thought and culture. Much of what I learn and experience here will be invaluable for my future at Redeemer which will begin in earnest in January. I have just completed a few days of orientation at Regent and am anticipating a great semester. It is a fascinating place with all sorts of interesting people.

Paula is sorely missed here. This is something that we wanted to do, but didn't really have the opportunity to. Vancouver is where we spent most of our life together. Her parents are in the Vancouver area, so Micah will see them a lot during this time. He has adjusted to the many changes in our life incredibly well.

I continue to struggle with understanding exactly who I am now, but do sense that God is rebuilding my life into something new. I have some inklings of what that may look like, but I am far from there yet. It is a long, difficult, and lonely road.