Today would have been the 9th wedding anniversary for Paula and I. We were married on July 29, 2000. For those of you who were there celebrating with us, it was a very memorable day. I can’t believe that was nine years ago already. Sadly, the last wedding anniversary we celebrated together was only our 6th. I missed Paula so much today. In fact it was hard to hold myself together at times today. It has been two years, two months, and two weeks since she died. I am still grieving, and I suspect I will continue to for a long time to come. Paula was so amazing. There is much to grieve.
Yet, in the midst of this, my life is a paradox. In spite of grief and sorrow over what has been lost, there is great joy and hope about things that have happened in my life, and for what the future holds. Over the past year, I have fallen in love again. Jessica (a girl that both Paula and I knew from our time in Vancouver) has become a huge part of my life during this time. She has walked alongside me in my grief, and we have carved out the beginnings of our life together. She is adored by Micah. A few weeks ago, we decided to get married and are planning a wedding for Thanksgiving weekend (or Christmas if we can’t get ourselves organized). We are both extremely excited about joining our lives together.
It has been a strange and wonderful experience falling in love again after losing the first love of your life. I feel that we have and continue to honor Paula in our relationship, yet we have made sure that our relationship is its own thing. I love Jessica because she is Jessica, not because she can replace Paula. Jessica has been a gift to us. I have a strong sense of God’s provision and grace in bringing us together. She seems to be just the right person for a person who has gone through what I have gone through.
Getting married again doesn’t mean that I’m “fixed” now, or that I’ve made it through the difficult part of losing Paula. This loss will always be with me. I will always miss her. But in that, it is possible to love again, just as wholeheartedly as I ever loved Paula. And this new love brings so much hope and joy.
This will be my last blog posting. It has been quite a journey and although it’s still not over, the blog part of it is. I thank everyone who contributed their comments. This will be an extremely valuable resource for Micah to know Paula, and for me to remember her. I will keep the blog on the web and keep comments open so that people can still read and make comments if they would like.
Please keep Jessica, Micah, and I in your prayers as we forge this new life together.
Yet, in the midst of this, my life is a paradox. In spite of grief and sorrow over what has been lost, there is great joy and hope about things that have happened in my life, and for what the future holds. Over the past year, I have fallen in love again. Jessica (a girl that both Paula and I knew from our time in Vancouver) has become a huge part of my life during this time. She has walked alongside me in my grief, and we have carved out the beginnings of our life together. She is adored by Micah. A few weeks ago, we decided to get married and are planning a wedding for Thanksgiving weekend (or Christmas if we can’t get ourselves organized). We are both extremely excited about joining our lives together.
It has been a strange and wonderful experience falling in love again after losing the first love of your life. I feel that we have and continue to honor Paula in our relationship, yet we have made sure that our relationship is its own thing. I love Jessica because she is Jessica, not because she can replace Paula. Jessica has been a gift to us. I have a strong sense of God’s provision and grace in bringing us together. She seems to be just the right person for a person who has gone through what I have gone through.
Getting married again doesn’t mean that I’m “fixed” now, or that I’ve made it through the difficult part of losing Paula. This loss will always be with me. I will always miss her. But in that, it is possible to love again, just as wholeheartedly as I ever loved Paula. And this new love brings so much hope and joy.
This will be my last blog posting. It has been quite a journey and although it’s still not over, the blog part of it is. I thank everyone who contributed their comments. This will be an extremely valuable resource for Micah to know Paula, and for me to remember her. I will keep the blog on the web and keep comments open so that people can still read and make comments if they would like.
Please keep Jessica, Micah, and I in your prayers as we forge this new life together.
Thank you for journeying with me.
Paula, you are so dearly missed.
Love, Darren
Paula, you are so dearly missed.
Love, Darren
