Today would have been the 9th wedding anniversary for Paula and I. We were married on July 29, 2000. For those of you who were there celebrating with us, it was a very memorable day. I can’t believe that was nine years ago already. Sadly, the last wedding anniversary we celebrated together was only our 6th. I missed Paula so much today. In fact it was hard to hold myself together at times today. It has been two years, two months, and two weeks since she died. I am still grieving, and I suspect I will continue to for a long time to come. Paula was so amazing. There is much to grieve.
Yet, in the midst of this, my life is a paradox. In spite of grief and sorrow over what has been lost, there is great joy and hope about things that have happened in my life, and for what the future holds. Over the past year, I have fallen in love again. Jessica (a girl that both Paula and I knew from our time in Vancouver) has become a huge part of my life during this time. She has walked alongside me in my grief, and we have carved out the beginnings of our life together. She is adored by Micah. A few weeks ago, we decided to get married and are planning a wedding for Thanksgiving weekend (or Christmas if we can’t get ourselves organized). We are both extremely excited about joining our lives together.
It has been a strange and wonderful experience falling in love again after losing the first love of your life. I feel that we have and continue to honor Paula in our relationship, yet we have made sure that our relationship is its own thing. I love Jessica because she is Jessica, not because she can replace Paula. Jessica has been a gift to us. I have a strong sense of God’s provision and grace in bringing us together. She seems to be just the right person for a person who has gone through what I have gone through.
Getting married again doesn’t mean that I’m “fixed” now, or that I’ve made it through the difficult part of losing Paula. This loss will always be with me. I will always miss her. But in that, it is possible to love again, just as wholeheartedly as I ever loved Paula. And this new love brings so much hope and joy.
This will be my last blog posting. It has been quite a journey and although it’s still not over, the blog part of it is. I thank everyone who contributed their comments. This will be an extremely valuable resource for Micah to know Paula, and for me to remember her. I will keep the blog on the web and keep comments open so that people can still read and make comments if they would like.
Please keep Jessica, Micah, and I in your prayers as we forge this new life together.
Yet, in the midst of this, my life is a paradox. In spite of grief and sorrow over what has been lost, there is great joy and hope about things that have happened in my life, and for what the future holds. Over the past year, I have fallen in love again. Jessica (a girl that both Paula and I knew from our time in Vancouver) has become a huge part of my life during this time. She has walked alongside me in my grief, and we have carved out the beginnings of our life together. She is adored by Micah. A few weeks ago, we decided to get married and are planning a wedding for Thanksgiving weekend (or Christmas if we can’t get ourselves organized). We are both extremely excited about joining our lives together.
It has been a strange and wonderful experience falling in love again after losing the first love of your life. I feel that we have and continue to honor Paula in our relationship, yet we have made sure that our relationship is its own thing. I love Jessica because she is Jessica, not because she can replace Paula. Jessica has been a gift to us. I have a strong sense of God’s provision and grace in bringing us together. She seems to be just the right person for a person who has gone through what I have gone through.
Getting married again doesn’t mean that I’m “fixed” now, or that I’ve made it through the difficult part of losing Paula. This loss will always be with me. I will always miss her. But in that, it is possible to love again, just as wholeheartedly as I ever loved Paula. And this new love brings so much hope and joy.
This will be my last blog posting. It has been quite a journey and although it’s still not over, the blog part of it is. I thank everyone who contributed their comments. This will be an extremely valuable resource for Micah to know Paula, and for me to remember her. I will keep the blog on the web and keep comments open so that people can still read and make comments if they would like.
Please keep Jessica, Micah, and I in your prayers as we forge this new life together.
Thank you for journeying with me.
Paula, you are so dearly missed.
Love, Darren
Paula, you are so dearly missed.
Love, Darren
14 comments:
Darren, thank you for sharing your journey. We are so happy for you that you could find new love and a new beginning. Congratulations to you all. Blessings for your future.
Dear Darren and Jessica,
I am shedding tears of joy - we are so very happy for you both. It is wonderful to put a face to the person we have been praying would come into Darren's life and will continue to pray for you in the months and years to come.
Many blessings and much joy, Neyir and David.
May God bless you all richly as you begin this new season of your lives. You have and continue to honour Paula so beautifully - she will not be forgotten. God is so good!
Congratulations to you both! Wonderful news!
Best wishes, Louise
Congratulations, Darren. I am reading this only after hearing the news from you n person this afternoon. I wish all of you God's blessing in your new life together.
Wow. God's blessing on you all. We celebrate with you guys, and we understand the paradox.
I miss my own mom (also a sudden accident), but it meant so much to me that my stepmom knew and was friends with my mom. My dad's new marriage contains a sensitivity that doesn't need to be taught.
And this is a new life together. Celebrate, laugh, love, and hug each other often. May the three of you be blessed by our great Father who walks with us, grieves with us, and desires great things for us.
SPot and RPot
Dear Darren,
I met you long time ago, even before Paula and you got married. I remember you allways with a big smile on your face. Today I had a strange feeling in few minutes crossing from sadness to hope. I know Paula will be allways with you, and you will see her face each time you look at your child; but I'm happy to know that a new beginning is waiting for you.
Hope you the best, and hope you'll have many new ocasions to smile.
Kisses to you amb your family.
Darren, congratulations to you and Jessica. Karen and I are so thrilled for you!
Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us over the past two years. We hope that our paths will cross again sometime in the not-too-distant future.
Richard.
Darren:
thanks for sharing all this and what a tremendous ending of the blog. Lovely to read about falling in love with Jessica. It will certainly be a special wedding for all of you. Will continue to keep you in our prayers!
Jeni, and Matthew Redekopp
Darren, this is such a wonderful news. For you, and for Micah as well. I have lost my mother when I was 7, and having my father remaried when I was 9 was the best thing that could happen. My mother was always dearly remembered, but having a new family life, and eventually a sister as well, brought so much happiness for me, and for my father. I wish you the best for the future.
I have been thinking about how you have been doing, and your future--I just looked up your blog and read through your posts. Thank-you for being so real in your sharing of this time in your life (difficult does not even come close). It was good to read in a way that I cannot really express--to remember with pain the insanely beautiful person that Paula was and to recall the tragedy of life lost too soon, leaving a husband without his beloved wife and a young child without with mother...and yet to amazingly see how God has been carrying and directing you, and Micah through this time by His presence, His provision and His people. And, I am so happy to hear that you have found a new life partner and parent for Micah! May God continue to bless you, Jessica and Micah and fill you with His joy. Congratulations also on choosing such a meaningful profession--teaching. Very, very happy for you!
We rejoice with you! This is truly God's fulfillment of the promise to give "the oil of joy for mourning." Please keep us St. Georgians up-to-date as the wedding plans progress.
Blessings,
Beth
I wish you, Jessica, and Micah all the best, Darren. It is comforting to know that those Paula loved so much are finding joy in life.
Kerri
Darren,
It's been a while since this post. I lost this blog address but have been thinking of you and Micah, so searched through my emails to dig it up.
Congrats on finding happiness again. I am happy for you, and that Micah will again have a mother.
I wanted to let you know how much I still think of Paula even though a long time has passed. She was a special girl.
Tess (from ubc rugby)
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