Friday, June 8, 2007

Unimaginable

Bewildered, surreal, shocked, denial, confused, sorrowful, devestated, weary, torn, heavy-hearted. These are words that I have used to describe how I am feeling. This morning I went out for breakfast with a close friend and he helped me realize that these feelings probably all stem from the fact the Paula's death is so unimaginable. It is so hard for any of us to imagine a life without Paula. The thought that she would be gone had never once entered my thoughts and my mind has no way of comprehending the fact that she is gone. I think this is what leads to these events seeming so surreal and leaves me feeling so shocked and bewildered. It is all so unimaginable.

But I must add that in the midst of this sorrow, confusion, weariness, bewilderment, I have felt the presense and comfort of God in a way that I have never experienced before and I do have the knowledge that Paula has been called home. I cannot really explain this in words... it is so mysterious to me. I am not making this up and saying this because that is what I'm supposed to say as a Christian in this situation or it is what I want to believe to be true. It really has been a profound, mysterious, yet real experience. Please continue to pray and intercede on our behalf that God will comfort and strengthen us.

Micah is doing great. He has fully recovered and is so full of energy and curiosity and brings so much joy. It is a strange feeling to be full of so much sorrow and joy at the same time.

Again, thank you for all your prayers and support. Please continue. Emails and posts to the blog are much appreciated as they allow me to read them in my own time and I'm not necessarily expected to respond. Do know that it means a lot to me to hear from you.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Life does seem to be such a swinging undulation, Darren. And yet behind our ecstacy and agony hovers the Mystery, a brooding presence that feels both close and so far at different times. Wonder is possible even in spite of the unimaginable, like a difficult doxology that will be sung, perhaps.

justin

Anonymous said...

Thanks, Darren, for keeping us up to date on how you are doing. We are continuing to hold you and your family up in prayer. I'm so glad that you experience the reassurance that Paula is with her Lord; I was thinking of it as her being ushered into the arms of Jesus, that day she was taken. I'm glad that Micah is such a blessing to you during this time.
Wishing you strength,
Susan and Bill

Anonymous said...

Darren, Micah and family,
I am so sorry for your loss.
I remember Paula from Mackenzie, BC.
I was a couple of years older than her.
She went to school with my younger brothers.
What a beautiful girl inside and out.
Her smile was amazing.
Her talents exceptional.
I was in shock to hear that she had passed.
She will be sadly missed.
What a blessing she was to all of us.
God Bless,
Tina Hoek(Clark), Anthony, Johanna and Abbygale.

Anonymous said...

Darren, We continue to keep you and Micah in our prayers. Your family is dear to our hearts...our hearts are heavy! Shalom,
Sharon and Chris Schotsman

Anonymous said...

Paula's Mom said...
Today, I should be celebrating life with my daughter Paula as it is my 60th Birthday, which was one of the reasons we drove across Canada from Vancouver - to be with Paula. It was very important to Paula that we come to Ontario for this celebration as her Brother Stephen lives in Ontario as well, and we could be together as a family, which was the most important thing in Paula's life.

The other celebrations that Darren, Micah, Stephen, her Dad and I, had planned with Paula this summer, were Father's Day,(a first for Darren), Darren's birthday, and most important of all, Micah's first birtday, July 9th.

Life without Paula is very sad and lonely for us all and as Darren wrote "unimaginable". I am trying to focus on the the wonderful times we had together and look forward to seeing Paula again in Heaven.

Anonymous said...

Just thinking about you and Micah.
Minna and David

Doreen said...

Really felt the need to lift you and Micah up in prayer this week. We think of you often and we pray for strength and peace that only our Heavenly Father can give.

doreen and fred breukelman

(when it's hard to pray, pray hard!) (And if you do not have the strength to do it then we will do it for you.)

Anonymous said...

June and Gerry
Dean, Scott, Ryan and I hold you in our thoughts and prayers all of the time as you continue to deal with life without Paula. As you mentioned it is important to focus on all those memories of the wonderful times you had together. Seeing the photographs on this blog give us the sense of the closeness that you all shared. We sincerely appreciate the updates to and the photographs on this blog and we want to let you both and Stephen and Darren and Micah know that we continue to hold you in our thoughts and prayers. May the wonderful memories you hold so dear to you continue to be a comfort to you. We will never forget Paula and the beautiful smile she always had on her face.
With Love
Kim, Dean, Scott, and Ryan Guthrie