Thursday, May 14, 2009

Two years

This coming weekend will mark two years since Paula died. When I decided to leave Ottawa last year, I resolved to return with Micah every year around the May long weekend in order to remember Paula. We leave for Ottawa tomorrow. In a way, I am scared to enter into the pain of the past, but I know that it is important for us to do this. I have learned that just because something is hard, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t good or important. Hard things, like entering into memories of suffering and loss, are important to do.

But, I don’t want this time to be entirely about Paula’s death. I want to try and celebrate her amazing life as well. During the past week, as I was pondering this trip to Ottawa, one of my desires was to be with all our close friends and remember her. To talk about her. To talk about the things we miss about her. To tell stories. But, since we have so many good friends, during many different times of our life, spread out all over the world, it’s not possible to get the full story of her on this one weekend in this one place with one set of friends. I thought that perhaps this could be done over this blog.

So, I want to invite friends to write a comment about what it is that they really miss about Paula, now that we have lived two years without her. I plan to finish up this blog in the next few weeks, so this would be a fitting conclusion to the blog. Everything on this blog is really helpful for me and especially for Micah as he grows up (and is he ever growing up fast!).

These are some of the things I miss about Paula: I miss her passion for life and her care for the people in her life. I miss her keen sense of justice and compassion. I miss her warm, inviting smile. I miss her smooth dark skin and brown eyes and her funky glasses. I miss the depth of her love for Micah. I miss being her “rock” when life was difficult and chaotic for her. I miss the adventurous spirit we shared. I lament the fact that she was really flourishing in who she was just before she died. I just really, really miss her.

I invite you to share.

29 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Darren,

I wrote this to you two years ago, a few days after Paula died. As I reflected on these words this evening, I realize just how much of an impact Paula had on me - so much of what I learned from her still lives inside me. I cut+paste that message below for you. Karen and I pray for you and Micah, especially during this difficult week.

Richard.

==========================

You and Paula were the first people we met at St. George's. It was my very first service in January 2006, when after the service we turned around and introduced ourselves. A simple "hello, nice to meet you" turned into a great conversation where we realized how much we had in common. Within five minutes of meeting us for the first time, Paula said: "why don't you come over for dinner? We'd love to have you over."

You have to understand how rare this is, for anyone in a church to just "open up" like that. Too often this doesn't happen, and we only have superficial relationships with our fellow Christians that we see Sunday after Sunday. Especially in the Maritimes where I lived for four years, the common criticism among us (especially Christians) were that we are great at being friendly, but very poor at being friends. In other words, we Christians always put on our best smile on Sundays and are friendly to everyone we meet at the church, especially the newcomers. But we always keep our distance; never probing deep into each other's lives, and certainly never inviting guests into our homes for a meal. Karen and I were so touched by Paula's invitation to dinner. Obviously we accepted right away and enjoyed a wonderful meal that you cooked for us - I still remember what we ate (risotto inside a baked red pepper with homemade grapefruit ice cream).

Being new to the church (it was my first service at St. George's), it was the first sign that I had found my Ottawa church home. Karen and I had gone to two other churches in the city prior to St. George's, and we remarked by how typical the congregation was, i.e., everyone leaves after the service, no one introduces themselves, no one makes an effort to get to know you, and everything is so superficial. Paula made us feel so welcome from Day One, and God used her to say to us, "this is your church home".

As you know, Paula did this for everyone, not just for me and Karen. I've been reading the memories on your blog, and I notice so many wonderful reflections on Paula's generosity and care for others. No superficiality - Paula was someone who lived life, and lived life to the full. She truly exemplified Christ-like service, whether it was her commitment to Social Action and Social Justice, promoting fair trade products, educating the congregation about environmental stewardship through A-Rocha, and raising awareness for pro-life issues through the Crisis Pregnancy Centre. All this while being a new mother! I learned so much from Paula, just by watching and listening. Needless to say, the rest of the congregation did too.

Recently Paula passed the nursery coordination duties on to me and Karen, and so we were constantly in contact via e-mail to discuss nursery issues. Just in the short time Paula was in charge of the nursery, I saw how vigorously she tackled the responsibilities to turn ideas into action. After seeing the printouts of e-mails she had sent and the notes from various meetings she had conducted, I was amazed by how much she had accomplished in such a short amount of time. Her ceaseless energy and uncompromising commitment to excellence was so unusual from the path-of-least-resistance approach taken by countless others. This made the nursery transition so smooth. Paula's friendship was such a treasure in my life. And even though she is gone from this world, her example and her actions continue to inspire me. Darren, I'd like to give you my commitment that I will do everything I can to serve Micah on every Sunday that he is at St. George's. He will be in good hands.

Let me share one final memory of Paula, as this is the one that remains vividly fresh in my mind. Several weeks ago, the church held an evening potluck, where Paula and Greg Butler pushed forward an ambitious proposal to expand opportunities for evangelism and Christ-like service, both within and outside our St. George's community. I remarked with disgust as person after person came to the microphone, and made comments like: "we haven't thought about this enough", "we haven't prayed about this enough", "we need more discussion before we come to a consensus", and so on. Paula bravely stepped up and made it clear that yes, we have thought about it enough, and it was time to stop dithering and make a decision. As you know, those three proposals made it through Parish Council, and we will be implementing these ideas over the coming months. Paula was crying after the potluck, worrying that she had offened others by her tone, worrying that she had been too confrontational when just the opposite was true. Paula was that rare mix of sensitivity and boldness, a Christian who was bold to speak the truth and challenge even those who had been at the church for dozens of years, while doing it with a heart of sensitivity and grace.

I shared this final story with four of my colleagues at work on Thursday, shortly after hearing about the tragedy. I am the team leader for these four colleagues, all of whom are statisticians and mathematicians, completing their B.Sc or M.Sc. Together, the five of us are engaged in an ambitious project to change our Agency risk-assessment systems from a field-based approach to a science-based approach. We have encountered much resistance from our older teammates who used to be customs officers, claiming that only customs knowledge and customs experience can judge the risk of a shipment entering Canada. Needless to say, they are skeptical of anything statistics or math-based, largely due to ignorance and fear (they don't understand the science, and they don't want to be replaced by an algorithm that can evaluate risk better). Meetings are a very irrating experience, as our non-scientific colleagues tune their ears out to listening to something they don't understand, for something they don't want to hear. I have been constantly frustrated by my older colleagues' aversion to change, as well as their dithering and indecisiveness (e.g. "we have to do more analysis to see if your methods work"). It reminded me of this very meeting that Paula went through a month ago - the players were different, but the circumstances were the same. However, Paula handled her situation with a grace and compassion that I have never learned or applied - being firm and assertive to turn words into action, while speaking from the heart of a servant. I shared this story with my four students, telling them about this remarkable woman whom I had the pleasure of being friends with - and how much better our team would be if we had 11 Paulas, who approached their commitment to work with that kind of servant heart. I told my team how much Paula challenged and inspired me to be that type of rare Christian who could serve others simultaneously from two seemingly contradictory characteristics: sensitivity and boldness. In future dealings with my colleagues, I pray that God can grant me a heart like Paula's, that I could be even one-hundredth of the shining light that she was to all those around her.

Darren, blessings to you and Micah. My prayers are with both of you and you mourn the loss of a remarkable woman who taught me what "life to the full" really is.

Anonymous said...

Paula loved the disadvantaged.
disadvantaged in spirit, in wealth, in society, in life. To these people she gave the love of Christ and became the hands and feet of Christ.
Paula was incarnational in her life lived. There were no cheap token actions here.
The level of 'Buzz' that surrounded Paula was utterly infectious, like some electric forcefield around her that sucked you in. This passion was not only reserved for social justice and world changing agendas, but for anything and everything that caught Paula's imagination.
I remember the first time Tam and I visited Darren and Paula's first flat in Southampton. I was ushered outside with great haste to witness the miracle that was the tomato plants growing by the back wall of the house....even producing tomatoes! The grin on Paula's face uncontainable and contagious.

I equally remember the zeal and passion with which she would talk about the young people in care she was working with, especially the way she brought into vivid life tales of the day at work, talking young boys down of roofs of buildings and other such adventures.

Tam and I lead the homegroup that Paula and Darren came to during their time in Southampton. It was an incredibly 'rich' time in our lives and one that has sustained us in times since. We quickly learned that if Paula wanted to raise a subject, she would! pure and simple, no dancing around. She was persistent and utterly committed.
I would travel the world to find Paula to come and work with me now, In a way she does, as so much of her passion, verve and vision to change the world are what have led me to continue her work with disadvantaged young people.
I thank God for you.

Darren & Micah, may Gods peace rest with you and bring unyielding joy to your hearts.

Ben & Tammy Lillie (England)

Norm Henderson said...

Darren,

I don't feel that I knew Paula well, but nevertheless I observed in her a powerful engagement in serving Jesus Christ. Micah has, and all of us that knew her have the privilege of following her example.

At a high point in her life she was chosen to continue her service in the Lord's very presence; that is a rare honour.

I'm sorry that Audrey and I are both away this weekend, so we won't see you. I know you will have God's peace and comfort in being back to visit at St. G's, this year and in years to come.

In Christ, Norm

Anonymous said...

Darren,

I never met Paula. But I often think about the fact that, because she was an organ donor, parts of her physical body are living on in others. I know it has changed thier lives, because of the miracle it has been in my own life as an organ recipient. Thank you for making that tough decision; I think about it often.

Anonymous said...

I sit here and remember our university days and Mandy and Paula up until the wee hours of the morning....some mornings not sleeping at all......but the determination to study and learn it all and learn it all the right way. Paula always did her best, always achieved the highest standard......it was well deserved! I will miss her always!

Randy Sangha

Anonymous said...

I miss Paula's warm hugs and her huge welcoming smile and ready laughter. I miss how passionate she was about so many issues and how you could see it on her face and in her body language when she was about to weigh in on an ongoing discussion. I miss how she challenged me to think about things differently, even when it pushed the boundaries of my comfort zone.

Reflecting on the past two years, I realize that what I miss most was the opportunity to get to know Paula better. I miss the opportunity to see her be a mom to Micah. I miss seeing how much she obviously loved Darren. I am grateful to have known her and will continue to pray for Darren, Micah, her parents, brother, and many close friends whose lives are so affected by her loss.

Peace,

Kim

Anonymous said...

I walked into the Social work department at UBC to take care of some registration before school started in a week. I was overwhelmed by a big big university and no other known people in sight. Paula was the only other student there - doing maybe the same thing as I was - but then she did something she was so amazing at - struck up a conversation with me about social justice, a church I could join, a bible study that was great....that was just the start of the welcome and hospitality she offered me. Anything good in her life she shared freely with anyone around her. Angela

Anonymous said...

After 2 years, I still think about her and miss her fun-ness! Just the social fun we had and were planning to have as we raised children of similar ages, swimming lessons etc. And talking about family nutrition and health and all the things we were interested in, being at the same stage in life. And her social activism energy - wow, that was a whirlwind force to be reckoned with. I miss that powerful energy she had for life, and the way she was able to take apathy out of people. Out of me.
But, really, I'm just most sad that we can't sit and have a cup of tea together or meet at the park and watch the kids play while we chat. I miss sharing with her and being shared to. I'm happy that we'd been prayer partners and still pray for things that were on her heart.
Love to you, Darren. I'm so impressed with this blog and how you shared with friends and strangers alike. You let us all into your mourning, and it has been a beautiful and healing experience for us too.
God's grace really is sufficient.
May the Peace of Christ be always with you,
love Sheila

Anonymous said...

I can't comprehend how time goes by so fast. I'm sure for Darren and Paula's family it must feel like a lifetime since they lost her...but to me, it seems like yesterday that it all happened.

I think of Paula everytime I'm out driving and see a dumptruck. I think of Paula everytime I hear a story on the news about a car accident or someone leaving this world much too young. I think of Paula anytime I reflect upon elementary school memories because she seemed like a part of *me* back then.

I regret not keeping in touch....it makes me so sad sometimes. The very last time I saw her, I was attending college on Vancouver Island. A group of us from school had come to Vancouver for 2 days to see a new cruiseship that had come to port. That night we were there, a college friend and I attended a Moist/I Mother Earth concert. Afterwards, I called Paula up and she offered to pick us up and drive us back to our hotel. It was a dark and rainy night. We sat in the lobby of the Sandman Inn for 2 hours chatting away. It was so great to catch up. Little did I know that would be the very last time I would ever see her...

She was a wonderful person and I would give anything to bring her back to Micah so that he could know her the way that everyone else knew her. Sure he will read all these stories and memories...but it's not the same.

Paula...you are deeply missed. I wish we had reconnected before your passing, but it wasn't to be. Thinking of you.

xxoo Brenda (Kempf)Langford

Anonymous said...

I'm not a great person for words, so its difficult for me to express what I miss about Paula. I just know that I really enjoyed being around her. I enjoyed her innocent aggression during board games, her inclusiveness during discussions, and her willingness to share of herself. I'm also really glad that she gave me our only hug at my birthday party several days before her accident. I had known her for a while already, but she didn't think I liked hugs. Boy, was she wrong there. I'll remember that hug for the rest of my life.
Dan Veenstra

Ruth said...

Hi Darren and Micah,

how can I forget our first meeting? Being so disconcerted that what you knew about me was Alida's birth story:)

Good thing we got to know each other better-- I enjoyed talking about all the dutch things and being a parent:) Paula's energy and joy in life drew me in like a magnet.

I'm very glad you and Micah are coming here this weekend. Jon and the girls are away, but I'll look for you.

God bless,
Ruth

Kerri said...

I miss Paula's smile, her laughter, and her enthusiasm for everything and everyone. I miss walking and talking with her - fast walking - but what side did she need to walk on? I could never remember, but if I guessed wrong she would switch sides with a quick "sorry" and a laugh, and our conversation would continue.

Handwritten letters, that I am so grateful for - reading them now I still hear her voice. I wish I had a few of her phone messages, which were always followed by a second message, needlessly apologizing or explaining further something from the previous message.

Her inspiring passion: for justice, for her friends, for her family.

Thank you Paula, for a friendship that was both the easiest and most rewarding I have known.

Kerri Webb

Leslie Ashton said...

I have been teaching prenatal classes for over 7 years. I tend to remember couples with really unique and unusual names, or remember certain individuals because there is something that stands out about them that is unique...

Darren & Paula Brouwer - nothing unusual or out of the ordinary about those names, but I recall a vibrancy and palpable joie de vivre when you approached after class one evening inquiring about more info that led to borrowing some books... Paula was so very beautifully round and full of life when she was pregnant - that is how I remember her!

I remember hearing on the radio while I was out driving one day that Prince of Wales was clsoed due to a very serious accident one afternoon - I think it was a Tuesday... And then on Saturday morning as I was reading the paper before heading out to teach a prenatal class the name Paula Brouwer... A name I vividly remembered and my heart sank... It couldn't be...

Her picture has been on my fridge for 2 years now - a daily reminder to live life to the full each and every day, to love those dearest to me and not sweat the small stuff.

Paula, beautifully pregnant Paula - she truly glowed! -that is my memory of Paula, of the both of you, during such a special time in your lives.

Leslie

Mark and Anik said...

Hi Darren,

Anik and I have been thinking about Paula, you and Micah over the last few weeks. Still seems like yesterday. We continue to miss not having you guys around for evening games nights and warm conversations. And I miss my great talks with Paula that started what seems like light years ago. And I continue to feel sad that Paula never met Zack and won't be part of his life.

I can imagine you have a lot on the go during your visit here but our door is always open and we'd love to catch-up with you and see how Micah is growing.

Lots of love,

Anik and Mark

Anonymous said...

I was looking through some high school photos last weekend and smiling about how long ago that seems to be when I turned the page and there was Paula with her colourful shirt and big bangs smiling away at the camera. It took my breath away to see her so unexpectedly. I removed the picture and she had written a note on the back wishing me the best and joking with me about my boyfriend at the time.

Whenever I think of her I always remember how sweet she was to me in all of our encounters throughout high school, and I am really grateful for that.

Wendy Barwise said...

I think of Paula often and quite honestly I am still in disbelief that she is not with us. My memories of Paula start on a softball field in Mackenzie. Paula was not only a great ball player, but exceptional team player and leader. She was always so bubbly and could cheer up and motivate her team at times when the game wasn't going so well.
In highschool, Paula was the same bubbly person from the ball diamond with that big smile and her wonderful spirit. She amazed me with all she did, student government, yearbook, band, her sports, her afterschool job and maintaining the highest marks - Paula could do it all and still be a cheerleader for her friends. She was kind, funny and so caring.

You are missed dearly Paula, and thought of fondly.

Darren, although we have never met, I think of you and Micah and keep you both in my prayers.

- Wendy

Anonymous said...

I miss so many things about Paula... her passion, her honesty, her search to know Christ more and for others to know Him more. I miss the kind of friend she was, our talks, laughter and tears together. For a while...reflecting back now...I think I've unintentionally tried to find someone to replace, not her as my friend, but the qualities of our friendship...I haven't found that again. What I know now is that my time with Paula, my friendship with Paula, was a wonderful and irreplacable gift.
Heather

Anonymous said...

I remember feeling devastated when Paula died, and looking around me at other people who had known her in the UK, it was apparent that this a huge hit to everyone. Paula was like a fantastic force of nature that swept you along, be it in righteous indignation at injustice or with infectious fun and laughter.

I was in the home group with Paula and Darren when they lived in the UK, and I echo Ben's words; the time with you both and with that group was a full and rich one and I loved being there with you.

much love,
Kay

Anonymous said...

I didn't know Paula for very long but I remember her amazing smile, upbeat attitude and her tremendous kindness. I played rugby with Paula at UBC and she was always there to offer a helping hand or a pep talk to get us all pumped!

We had some great times and formed some strong bonds on the field. I think I can speak for every T-Bird that had the pleasure of playing with and knowing Paula in saying that we'll never forget her.

Darren, I wish you and Micah strength in each day, you'll be in my prayers.

Colleen Higgins

Anonymous said...

Hi Darren and Micah,

One thing that has stood out to me over the past couple of years is how consistently "Paula" Paula was. Everyone describes the same person, whether they knew her from Mackenzie or Vancouver or Southampton or Ottawa - she was authentically Paula wherever she went and whoever she was with. I love that about her. For good (her love of Christ, her passion for justice) or for goofy (her odd-hour phone calls, and follow-up apologies), Paula was consistently Paula, through and through. I miss her honest and genuine response to life and to people. There's so much more to write, but today this is what stands out the most.

May God continue to give you comfort as you grieve who you've lost, and joy as you celebrate who you've known and are always a part of.

Love, Loretta

Angie said...

How she used to wipe the bridge of her nose.

How she cried at the slightest thing- but smiled and laughed hard, too.

How she always called back as soon as she hung up. You could always count on that phone call.

Her grade 4 printing that never changed.

When she was driving some friends to my house and when they got out of the car they were all wearing life jackets. Let's just say- in the early years- she didn't drive as well as she did school.

How much time she would spend getting her hair product to blend in her hair so that it didn't look like she was wearing hair product.

That bathroom calendar with all the birthdates and anniversaries- though I suppose that was your influence, Darren.

The last time I saw her, we were out for lunch with Erin and Micah had been sleeping until just as our meals arrived. Paula just sent her lunch back and told them to bring it to her after she had fed her baby! I remember wondering if I could ever be that selfless.

How she was so proud of her "cauliflower ears" and bruises and scrapes and gashes from rugby. It seemed like it wasn't a game worth playing unless she had the battle wounds to prove it.

She introduced me to Dulce Latte pie at the pub in Southampton.

How she always had a bathroom book- more often than not it was a Maeve Binchy novel. When we were kids I remember wondering why anyone would be so happy about all those books at Christmas and birthdays!

How she sang her heart out at church- off key- it didn't matter because she was singing for Jesus. It always made me laugh. Still does.

Thanks for the blog, Darren. Part of me wants to yell, "No... please don't go!" but I understand. Lots of love to you and Micah!

Ang xoxo

d. said...

Even though I didn't know Paula but her life and death are important to me. You see, when I began reading your blog I was on maternity leave with my daughter, my only child. As I read about Paula and her spirit, my heart broke for Micah. Learning about Paula and her life has made me more appreciative of the challenges and many joys of being a parent.

I was taken aback when you blogged about Micah's first birthday. It turned out that my daughter was born on the same day as Micah. I felt a further connection to Paula and your loss. I am truly blessed to be able to hug my little girl everyday. I know this because of Paula.

d.

Martina Scholtens said...

I miss her enthusiasm and interest in ideas. I particularly would love to hear her thoughts on motherhood, and how that would mesh with her other passions, such as her career as a social worker.

I remember the last time you came over I asked Paula to rank her household chores from most to least distasteful and she happily obliged me. She was so much fun.

Anonymous said...

I have been really missing Paula lately. The social care system for children in England is a complete mess. I really want to chat to her about it. I can imagine the strong conversations she would be having about it, but also how much it would hurt her to see all the ways in which children are being failed.

I want to have "coffee" with her (one of Darren's special coffees, which was basically hot milk!!) and talk about how it all turned out fine with a mutual friend's new relationship, as she is now happily married and pregnant.

I want her energy and happiness and excitement about life to make me want to keep going to homegroup and church when I'm not in the mood.

I just miss her company. Even after all this time. And I miss the opportunity to tell her that.

Thanks so much for the opportunity to do this Daren. I continue to have enormous respect for you. Keep on keeping on. Much love. Alice Gould. XXX

Anonymous said...

“You know, the girl with the broken arm.”

This is how we first heard of Paula -- and her rugby injury -- from Darren in 1996, when they were both summer students at NRC in Ottawa. This was the beginning of their relationship, and our relationship with Paula.

Over the next 11 years, we shared a common journey through life. At times, we would be separated by great distance. We cherish the memories of our visits with Darren and Paula in Vancouver, and especially in Southampton. Upon their return to Ottawa from England, we grew very much closer together, especially with the birth of our sons, cousins Micah and Evan, in 2006. We conversed often on life: how to raise children, how relate to each other as spouses, how to be bright Christ-lights in our local and global communities.

Paula enlivened board games with her competitive nature. We loved it when Darren and Paula would drop by on a Saturday after shopping at IKEA, and sharing their excitement over Micah. Paula was a great Mom – we cannot remember her ever complaining about the challenges of taking care of an infant, even when she got repetitive strain injury in her wrists from rocking Micah to sleep in his car seat. Paula was a great supporter of Darren and loved him greatly. She valued his insight, background and faith; she sought to understand where their approaches to life differed. Paula was passionate about her love for her parents and brother, and strove to support strong family bonds. Paula’s love for her many friends was intensely genuine.

We remember Paula for her gift of bringing people together. We admired her drive, beyond willingness, to do what was right, even if this meant taking risks with personal relationships. There didn’t seem to be time to wait once Paula saw a gap between what “was” and what “should be”. We miss her urgent faith. We feel the deep loss of the friendship that was, and, like the pain of a phantom limb, the life journey we would have continued to take together.

Eric & Brenda

Anonymous said...

Darren and Micah,

I miss Paula's positive energy, enthusiasm, happy smile and big laugh. She was one of those rare people who had the ability to light up a room and make everyone feel special.

Paula was always involved in something fun and always had an interesting story to tell when she came into our residence at UBC. She was such a great person to have around. I regret not keeping in touch after university.

I personally took Paula's death very hard - mainly because my eldest son was only a few months older than Micah when the accident happened. I appreciate every day I have now with my kids. I keep Paula and Micah's picture with me in my purse I as never want to forget her.

Louise

Anonymous said...

How was it that Paula had time in her shortened life to make such a difference to so many of us? I think it comes down to passion and courage. She was passionate for the things God is passionate for, because she was ultimately passionate about God. This translated into intelligent action which she undertook courageously. I don't think Paula considered any person unlovable, any cause unworthy, any problem unsolvable, any task unmanageable.

At the close of every service at St. George's, we say, "Glory to God, whose power working in us can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine..." Paula not only agreed with those words, she proved them.

She has sadly left our world but cheers us on from hers among the "great cloud of witnesses." As you, Darren, have said in your address to the students at Redeemer, we will all face times of loss and deep challenge. I for one will remember and, by God's grace, honour Paula's example of passion and courage, not only in the hard times, but in those mundane moments when I am tempted to say, "I'm too (insert excuse here) to do that."

I want to close by saying what a beautiful boy Micah is! I will always smile when recalling his line of somersaults down the church aisle. There will likely be times when he wishes he could remember his mom, but all he will ever need to do is to know God's heart - she dwells not far from there.

With Love & Blessings,
Beth Shirey

Anonymous said...

Darren,

We've never met, and I wish that we had. I am sorry that I've never written before now, I just never really knew what to say....I am not sure that I still do! But, I didn't want you to close this blog without writing something.

I met Paula in Grade 12 In Mackenzie, I had just moved from Saskatchewan, and knew no one. Everyone in Mackenzie made me feel welcome, and there were a few that I developed special relationships with, and Paula was one of them! We hung out a lot, and had similar interests in school- We even had a couple of professional grad pics taken together - you may or may not have seen them- The 90's - yikes! hahaha. Anyway, we graduated, and moved on with our lives. Paula went to UBC, and I went off gallivanting in Europe, and then university myself! Time passed, and after my parents left Mackenzie, my contact with people there dwindled, and my poor ability to keep in touch with people caused me to lose contact with a lot of friends.
After some time had passed, and my life began to settle, I actually started searching for her. I think I "googled" her name a million times. I figured she'd probably be on the internet somewhere - for finding a cure for cancer, nominated for a nobel prize...she would be deserving of any one of these things...that was Paula - others oriented, living life to the fullest! I knew this even in the short time I spent with her!

And so, before facebook became popular, my search unsuccessful. I was told of the most terrible news. I was devastated. What a terrible injustice. I wish that I could have had the opportunity to reconnect. I am actually not so far away, living in London,Ontario. I was hours away from her.

Thank you so much for posting pictures, and sharing stories about her. Your son Micah is beautiful. And I am certain that you will be filling his young mind with so many amazing memories of his Mom!

It has actually been a comfort to me,reading the other posts. Knowing that Paula never changed, she just became better and better, living a life full of integrity and spirit!

Thanks again for this opportunity to write something....May the Lord, who understands and knows ALL things continue to grant you peace, patience and perseverance all your days...

All the best Darren and Micah,

Jody (Gress) Toombs

Mandy said...

I remember a woman who had bright, loving, curious eyes, just like those of her son. I remember a woman who had no fear, and let her sense of adventure guide her through every experience in life. I remember a woman who knew no bounds in what she could accomplish. I remember a woman who was the best she could be, for all those people in her life...she wiped away my tears, shared my pain, laughed at my jokes, and told me when I was being silly. She has made me want to be a better person, and now I strive to live my life with all the lessons she taught me in our early years.

Paula, God sent you to each and every one of us, and your presence has made all of our lives so special. I will always admire you, always be in awe of you, and will always be grateful for the time we shared together. You were my very best friend in so many ways, and I will hold those memories close to my heart forever. Love you, lady, and I will miss you always.