Today was a beautiful, warm, sunny spring day, hopefully the end of this long winter. After our traditional Saturday morning pancake breakfast with the Patricks, Micah and I went to the Central Experimental Farm and hung out with the farm animals. Micah loves animals, although he was a bit timid around the real life ones.
While Micah napped this afternoon, I sat outside in the sun on my balcony with a cup of coffee and read through the box of letters and cards that Paula and I had exchanged over the years (Paula was a pack-rat!). I have not had the courage to do this until today. I am not even sure why I did it today.
The first year of our relationship was long-distance, so there were a lot of letters (and emails which are now unfortunately lost) exchanged between us. The memories which reading these letters evoked were overwhelming.
Here are two things I want to share.
In her very first letter to me, Paula wrote:
“I should tell you now (since I am planning to write to you again!)… I tend to use a lot of exclamation marks – I try not to, but I can’t help it!” (August 26, 1996)
This sums up Paula’s contagious enthusiasm and energy that she was renowned for, something that she just couldn’t help but have. I miss this so much.
In a letter to her, I wrote:
“I really feel like I have been blessed in my life - a great family, awesome friends, so many opportunities – but it kind of scares me in a way. I’ve never had to struggle… I’ve never been really disappointed… I’ve never had doors close on me. I just wonder if it will ever come crashing down on me?” (March 23, 1997)
Unfortunately it did.
In a way that I don’t think I could have ever imagined then.
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7 comments:
Darren, I'm always happy to see that you've posted something. Yes, the exclamation points are so Paula. I could practically hear her talking when I read that.
Martina
And her perfect hand writing that hadn't changed since grade 3. I could also hear her voice when I read those words.
I also love it when you post something. I check this blog every day. It's only recently I've had the guts to write anything. Love you, dear friend!
Hi Darren, I'm thankful that you are writing and sharing. I only met Paula once, but just seeing the pictures of her, I can tell she loved exclamation marks! I tend to 'over comma' - not sure what that means, maybe just a pondering mind. I'm thankful that during your many travels and moves, you held on to the 'pack-rat' stuff. What treasures!!! Reading a letter 10 years later, and realizing the horror of its reality is beyond words. Much love and strength to you both. Yvonne and Terry
Still reading, still praying.
She sure did use a lot of exclamation points!...along with her perfect handwriting since grade 3 as Angie mentioned! On a serious note though, this entry of yours Darren and the one about Micah loving trucks so much, have both been very saddening to me. I don't know what the words are to describe these moments, not irony or symbolism, but whatever it is, it's cruel and saddening. Thank you for sharing it with us all.
Brenda (Kempf) Langford
As I sit here in Dublin Ireland in my brothers home, I want to pick up the phone to wish Paula a happy birthday, but i'm sure she knows that. As the time has gone by most everything that could be said, has been said.
Why do we all miss her so much?.
Someone once said "all the worlds a stage and all the men and women
are simply players", but Paula was no player, no actor, every thing Paula did and said came from the very bottom of her heart. A heart so big it refused to die. If that could be said about all of us, what a wonderfull world it would be.
Many years ago, a priest told me when we get to the gates of Heaven St. Peter will ask us why we think we have the right to enter, when my time comes I expect to hear from just behind St. Peter, " but St.Peter that's my Dad." Then I will be truly happy.
To day I wish that for all of you.
Well written article.
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