Chapter Two

Today is the beginning of year two, chapter two, of Life-without-Paula.

Strangely, I awoke this morning with a little bit more peace, a little less of a heavier heart, and genuine anticipation for what this year holds. I will obviously continue to grieve for Paula, but I think it will be a little less painful and sad. I hope that pictures of Paula and recollection of memories will no longer only bring pangs of sadness over our loss, but bring a slight smile to my face as I recall a joy-filled life with Paula.

Over the past two days, I did a lot of remembering. I entered into memories and past events that I had been too afraid to go into. I read my entire journal over the past year; I read the entire blog again for the first time; I drove the route that Paula drove on that tragic day; I sat at the scene of the accident and watched the still-speeding trucks go by; I visited the hospital where she died; I cried; I wrote more in my journal; I brought flowers to Paula's grave and stayed for a long time.

My journal and the blog were amazing to read again. I am thankful that I had written down the events of the days surrounding her death, because I wouldn't be able to remember many details, as I was in so much shock. Your comments on the blog - the tributes to Paula - brought joy to me as I re-read them all. The sum total of these tributes really capture who Paula was. Thank you to all who have shared.

I miss her so much still - even more so after this time of remembering. But my heart is not as heavy as it once was. Thank you for all your encouraging emails, thoughts, and prayers this week.